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I care about politics, but I have a tough time making comedy out of it. I was so happy to have a chance to be on The Daily Show, and I think Jon Stewart's so funny... but mostly in my own comedy, I care about less relevant things.
Demetri Martin
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Demetri Martin
Age: 51
Born: 1973
Born: May 25
Comedian
Film Actor
Film Director
Film Score Composer
Screenwriter
Television Actor
Voice Actor
New York City
New York
Demetri Evan Martin
Think
Less
Relevant
Thinking
Show
Mostly
Funny
Daily
Making
Tough
Shows
Comedy
Care
Politics
Things
Chance
Time
Happy
Stewart
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A drunk driver is very dangerous. So is a drunk backseat driver if he's persuasive.
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I'm a producer on my show, which is great, but it's also kind of a mixed blessing because there's so much responsibility. Everything is a decision. You have to worry about the money, you have to worry about daylight, who we're going to cast and if this location doesn't work out, what are we going to do?
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I've often liked a girl, made her laugh, and thought she liked me, and then found out that she didn't like me that way. I've definitely done time in the friend zone.
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It is interesting that the black BMW is the preferred car of so many assholes.
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If you remove a treehouse from a tree, than it's just a shitty house. Sometimes when i'm in a shitty house, I like to imagine that it's in a tree, than it's like Woah, this house is amazing.
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I am a ceiling fan, especially during rain.
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Now I got a time machine at home. It only goes foreword at regular speed. It's essentially a cardboard box and on the outside I wrote time machine in sharpie.
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I love bowling almost as much as I love not bowling.
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As soon as I jumped out of the airplane, I realized I had forgotten my parachute. Thank God we were still on the runway.
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I bought a new pair of pajamas with pockets, which is great, cause now i don't have to hold things when I sleep.
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In retrospect, everything is finite, but prospectively, there are infinite possibilities. I guess that's what makes life hopeful.
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When you're wearing an animal costume and something bad happens, your facial expression doesn't change. The animal is deadpan the whole time. If you're skiing in a gorilla suit and you fall, you just see a gorilla who has no emotion. It's just a stoic gorilla, wildly falling down a hill, out of control.
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Sometimes it looks like I'm dancing, but it's just that I walked into a spider web.
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I am what I eat. And I am this especially when I bite my nails.
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I used to play sports. Then I realized you can buy trophies. Now I am good at everything.
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How fast does a zebra have to run before it looks gray.
Demetri Martin
When you have a fat friend there are no see-saws, only catapults.
Demetri Martin
When there's someone who's dead and then someone does something that that person would not have liked, they say that that person is spinning in their grave. But I don't understand why they say that. Why is spinning the way that a corpse shows disapproval?
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You can say 'Thanks,' and you can say 'Thanks a Million' - but any number in between?
Demetri Martin
I think it's cool when an ex-girlfriend becomes an XL girlfriend.
Demetri Martin
