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I wish my name started with a comma. That would be so dramatic.
Demetri Martin
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Demetri Martin
Age: 51
Born: 1973
Born: May 25
Comedian
Film Actor
Film Director
Film Score Composer
Screenwriter
Television Actor
Voice Actor
New York City
New York
Demetri Evan Martin
Dramatic
Started
Name
Names
Wish
Would
Comma
More quotes by Demetri Martin
I want to commit a crime during a reenactment, and turn it into an enactment.
Demetri Martin
I wrapped my Christmas presents early this year, but I used the wrong paper. See, the paper I used said 'Happy Birthday' on it. I didn't want to waste it so I just wrote 'Jesus' on it.
Demetri Martin
A refrigerator is the opposite of a drug addict, because a refrigerator starts in a box and then moves to a house.
Demetri Martin
People only mention it's a free country if they're doing something shitty.
Demetri Martin
I never went bungee jumping. The closest I did was I was born.
Demetri Martin
The difference between a child's toy and an adult toy is: location, location, location.
Demetri Martin
It's Thursday and it really feels like a Thursday. Sometimes things just work out.
Demetri Martin
I want to get the joke to work without having to put any words or to say anything. I just want the person to look at it, and quietly in their brain, they can just put it together and say, Cool, that one works.
Demetri Martin
It's very easy to turn a toy into an adult toy: Location, location, location.
Demetri Martin
I don't know what the long form of OK is. I wanna think it's okie dokie. 'I'm okie dokie. I'm a little shaken up, but I'm okie dokie.' 'The good news is, she's okie dokie. The surgery went fine.'
Demetri Martin
I like stand-up. But I'd also like a family and house and a yard. I want to work with a lot of people, have colleagues and on good film sets, there's people there that work with the same people for years and years. I love that collaborative spirit in that medium. Comedy is a lot more solitary.
Demetri Martin
One time I saw an old man in a hurry and I thought, 'That makes sense.'
Demetri Martin
I saw a sign that said, 'Watch for children.' I was like, 'That sounds like a fair trade - especially if they're crappy kids.'
Demetri Martin
Once I started to look i finally began to see.
Demetri Martin
I remember when I used to be really into nostalgia.
Demetri Martin
When I am given a multiple choice test I choose not to take it.
Demetri Martin
Whenever I'm on my computer, I don't type 'lol'. I type 'lqtm' - laugh quietly to myself. It's more honest.
Demetri Martin
One of the most difficult and ironic murder weapons is the life jacket.
Demetri Martin
Automatic paper towel dispensers are a solution to something that was never a problem in the first place.
Demetri Martin
A good name for a gang would be The Uneducated Idiot Tough Guys.
Demetri Martin
