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I wish my name started with a comma. That would be so dramatic.

Demetri Martin

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Demetri Martin
Age: 51
Born: 1973
Born: May 25
Comedian
Film Actor
Film Director
Film Score Composer
Screenwriter
Television Actor
Voice Actor
New York City
New York
Demetri Evan Martin
Comma
Dramatic
Started
Name
Names
Wish
Would

More quotes by Demetri Martin

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They say it's lonely at the top. It must be even lonelier at the tippy top.
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Glitter is the herpes of craft supplies.
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Coffee is like a bra. 3 cups is one too many.
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In retrospect, everything is finite, but prospectively, there are infinite possibilities. I guess that's what makes life hopeful.
Demetri Martin
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When people show me pictures of their kids, it's okay. But when I give them a picture of me, to show to their kids, I'm weird. What kind of one way street is that?
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My policy is 'No stone throwing regardless of housing situation.'
Demetri Martin
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If I ever saw an amputee getting hanged, I'd probably just start calling out letters.
Demetri Martin
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I'm so secretive that when someone asks me, Hey, can you keep a secret? I say That's none of your business.
Demetri Martin
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A know-it-all is a person who knows everything except for how annoying he is.
Demetri Martin
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I like playing frisbee. It is the only sport where you can throw something at a person and it's okay.
Demetri Martin
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When I first heard the term 'training bra,' I was freaked out. I was pretty young and I said, 'Did you just say training bra? They're training their chests? I had no idea.' See some lady, her boobs are everywhere. 'What's her deal?' Those are untrained titties.
Demetri Martin
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I wanna design a video game where you'd have to take care of all the people shot in all the other video games.
Demetri Martin
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I like shorter jokes. I like fewer words. I think the more ideas there are the, the fewer words there should be.
Demetri Martin
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Canoe plus waterfall equals I don't go camping anymore.
Demetri Martin
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I would like to have windshield wipers that do the whole windshield, please.
Demetri Martin
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The shortest feedback loop I can think of is doing improvisation in front of an audience.
Demetri Martin
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Easy way to make someone sound less powerful, just put DJ in front of their name... ..DJ Abraham Lincoln
Demetri Martin
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Once I started to look i finally began to see.
Demetri Martin
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When I am holding a water balloon, so many things look so unnecessarily dry.
Demetri Martin
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If you happen to catch on fire during the show, do not panic or wave your arms around or scream or we wil give something to panic and wave you arms around and scream about.
Demetri Martin