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Do you have any Greek in you? That was just a tactful way of asking if you're pregnant. If you're not, then let's break up.

Demetri Martin

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Demetri Martin
Age: 51
Born: 1973
Born: May 25
Comedian
Film Actor
Film Director
Film Score Composer
Screenwriter
Television Actor
Voice Actor
New York City
New York
Demetri Evan Martin
Asking
Break
Way
Tactful
Pregnant
Greek

More quotes by Demetri Martin

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I wasn't even a big comedy nerd. A lot of the comedians I know - a lot of my friends are comedians - they knew a lot about comedy growing up.
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People only mention it's a free country if they're doing something shitty.
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A sports bar is a way to take a bar and fill it with even more annoying people than usual.
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Right now someone out there is struggling and starting to panic because they can't get out of a tempurpedic bed.
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I just found out that I have more allies than America!
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Having a beard is a good way to make your face more susceptible to velcro.
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I wish my name started with a comma. That would be so dramatic.
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I want to commit a crime during a reenactment, and turn it into an enactment.
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I care about politics, but I have a tough time making comedy out of it. I was so happy to have a chance to be on The Daily Show, and I think Jon Stewart's so funny... but mostly in my own comedy, I care about less relevant things.
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I like to go to concerts because I love to see my favorite band through the phone of the asshole who's standing in front of me.
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I tend to avoid televisions, politics, and places with velvet ropes.
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I bought a dictionary. First thing I did was, I looked up the word dictionary, and it said you're an asshole.
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Coffee is like a bra. 3 cups is one too many.
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Small businesses are important, but so are tiny businesses.
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Overheard today in restaurant: Can you stop listening to our conversation?
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I never went bungee jumping. The closest I did was I was born.
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I wanna put stickers on turtles... I don't know why.
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Batteries are the most dramatic object. Other things stop working or they break, But Batteries... They Die.
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I set a personal record on Christmas. I got my shopping done three weeks ahead of time. I had all the presents back at my apartment, I was halfway through wrapping them, and I realized, 'Damn, I used the wrong wrapping paper.' The paper I used said, 'Happy Birthday.' I didn't want to waste it, so I just wrote 'Jesus' on it.
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I'm always excited to try something I haven't done.
Demetri Martin