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Do you have any Greek in you? That was just a tactful way of asking if you're pregnant. If you're not, then let's break up.

Demetri Martin

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Demetri Martin
Age: 51
Born: 1973
Born: May 25
Comedian
Film Actor
Film Director
Film Score Composer
Screenwriter
Television Actor
Voice Actor
New York City
New York
Demetri Evan Martin
Tactful
Pregnant
Greek
Asking
Break
Way

More quotes by Demetri Martin

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To look like you are a real sports fan, when there is a game on TV just yell, Oh, come on! every now and then at the TV.
Demetri Martin
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I wish I lived next to Carnegie Hall. Then, if someone asked me how to get to my house, I would just say 'Practice, practice, practice, and then take a left.'
Demetri Martin
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There's an old Russian saying that goes some way or another. I don't know it. I don't speak Russian. But sometimes I think about it and wonder if it's relevant to what I'm going through at the time. Probably not. I mean what do Russian know about hunger, anyway?
Demetri Martin
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How fast does a zebra have to run before it looks gray.
Demetri Martin
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It feels like every day or two, people on Twitter and the Internet are outraged about something.
Demetri Martin
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Usually, I walk around and think about things. When I come across a thought that makes me laugh, I write it down.
Demetri Martin
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I would like to have windshield wipers that do the whole windshield, please.
Demetri Martin
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And as far as actors go, Peter Sellers is my all-time favorite.
Demetri Martin
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I wrapped my Christmas presents early this year, but I used the wrong paper. See, the paper I used said 'Happy Birthday' on it. I didn't want to waste it so I just wrote 'Jesus' on it.
Demetri Martin
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I want to get the joke to work without having to put any words or to say anything. I just want the person to look at it, and quietly in their brain, they can just put it together and say, Cool, that one works.
Demetri Martin
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Whenever I see an autobiography for sale in the book store i just flip to the about the author section. I'm like, Done, next!
Demetri Martin
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When watering your plants, try to talk to them - say something like, Hold it right there and then shoot them with water gun.
Demetri Martin
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What I've learned about my self over the years is that I'm pretty restless. If I multitask it's probably because I have difficulty just focusing on one thing.
Demetri Martin
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99.99% of all castles in America are located in fish tanks.
Demetri Martin
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Vampire fad just won't die. Makes sense, I guess.
Demetri Martin
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I was making pancakes the other day and a fly flew into the kitchen. And that's when I realized that a spatula is a lot like a fly-swatter. And a crushed fly is a lot like a blueberry. And a roommate is a lot like a fly eater.
Demetri Martin
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Glitter is the herpes of craft supplies.
Demetri Martin
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I like stand-up. But I'd also like a family and house and a yard. I want to work with a lot of people, have colleagues and on good film sets, there's people there that work with the same people for years and years. I love that collaborative spirit in that medium. Comedy is a lot more solitary.
Demetri Martin
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If you happen to catch on fire during the show, do not panic or wave your arms around or scream or we wil give something to panic and wave you arms around and scream about.
Demetri Martin
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The problem with my balloon collection is that people always think there's a party. Settle down. It's not a party. It's just balloons.
Demetri Martin