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Do you have any Greek in you? That was just a tactful way of asking if you're pregnant. If you're not, then let's break up.

Demetri Martin

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Demetri Martin
Age: 51
Born: 1973
Born: May 25
Comedian
Film Actor
Film Director
Film Score Composer
Screenwriter
Television Actor
Voice Actor
New York City
New York
Demetri Evan Martin
Tactful
Pregnant
Greek
Asking
Break
Way

More quotes by Demetri Martin

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A dreamcatcher works, if your dream is to be gay.
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I find that a shirt is most similar to a napkin when I don't have a napkin.
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I was making pancakes the other day and a fly flew into the kitchen. And that's when I realized that a spatula is a lot like a fly-swatter. And a crushed fly is a lot like a blueberry. And a roommate is a lot like a fly eater.
Demetri Martin
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Stand up is really fun because if I think of a joke or a funny idea, then I can just go and tell some people and if they laugh, they laugh right away.
Demetri Martin
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The lord works in mysterious ways. Indeed. And a shorter way to say that is: God is a sneak.
Demetri Martin
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When telling a story about how wasted you were last night, stop.
Demetri Martin
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When someone shows you a picture of their kids what they don't want to hear is Oh, yeah, I got pictures of your kid too.
Demetri Martin
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There's a store in my neighborhood called Futon World. I like that name, 'Futon World.' Makes me think of a magical place that gets less and less comfortable over time.
Demetri Martin
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If you want to dry hump someone you don't know, just act like they were choking.
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Surprise parties are strange 'cause people jump up and they yell the word, 'surprise' at the party. I came home and you emerged from my furniture. You don't have to tell me how to feel. I don't need a hint.
Demetri Martin
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I can always tell how stupid someone is by how certain they are about what they're saying.
Demetri Martin
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Never forget where you came from. That's what I think when I walk into a cave.
Demetri Martin
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I like parties, but I don't like piñatas because the pinata promotes violence against flamboyant animals. Hey, there's a donkey with some pizzazz. Let's kick its ass.
Demetri Martin
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I do come across people who don't like me, don't like my comedy, don't think it's funny, it's too cutesy, or whatever they hate. And it's like, Okay. That's your opinion. Somebody liked it, so that's good. Hopefully it balances out.
Demetri Martin
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I've heard of many chocoholics, but I ain't never seen no chocohol. We got an epidemic, people: people who like chocolate but don't understand word endings. They're probably over-workaholled.
Demetri Martin
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REGARDING THE MARCHING BAND: How much more interesting it would be to see a creeping band.
Demetri Martin
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My friend named his car. And I don't want to be judgemental, but... what a dork.
Demetri Martin
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And as far as actors go, Peter Sellers is my all-time favorite.
Demetri Martin
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Leave no stone unturned in your quest to disrupt a rock garden.
Demetri Martin
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Separate but equal is terrible for education but it's perfect for eyebrows.
Demetri Martin