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Do you have any Greek in you? That was just a tactful way of asking if you're pregnant. If you're not, then let's break up.

Demetri Martin

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Demetri Martin
Age: 51
Born: 1973
Born: May 25
Comedian
Film Actor
Film Director
Film Score Composer
Screenwriter
Television Actor
Voice Actor
New York City
New York
Demetri Evan Martin
Greek
Asking
Break
Way
Tactful
Pregnant

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It seems that man's greatest natural enemy is the target.
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To remove blood stains from your conscience try frozen margaritas.
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Employee of the month is a good example of how somebody can be both a winner and a loser at the same time.
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If you want to dry hump someone you don't know, just act like they were choking.
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I do come across people who don't like me, don't like my comedy, don't think it's funny, it's too cutesy, or whatever they hate. And it's like, Okay. That's your opinion. Somebody liked it, so that's good. Hopefully it balances out.
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It's always helpful to remember that in the grand scheme of things you are much more important than... um, wait, than... something, maybe.
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As soon as I jumped out of the airplane, I realized I had forgotten my parachute. Thank God we were still on the runway.
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Futon World - a wonderful place that becomes slowly less comfortable over time.
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There's a very fine line between giving someone the Heimlich maneuver and dry-humping a stranger.
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You can say 'Thanks,' and you can say 'Thanks a Million' - but any number in between?
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I think it would be frustrating to be a match maker. What do you do? I'm a match maker Aw, that's really romantic No, umm... I actually... never mind
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I wanna see a snake eat spaghetti.
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Having a beard is a good way to make your face more susceptible to velcro.
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It is interesting that the black BMW is the preferred car of so many assholes.
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I want to launch a globe into space just to mess with the astronauts.
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When a Dalmatian sees a cow he must be like, 'What the hell happened to him? I am high right now. That dalmatian is fat and smeary.' When the cow sees the Dalmatian he must be like, 'He looks amazing. I am so out of shape, this is ridiculous. My tits are on the ground here.
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I wish I lived next to Carnegie Hall. Then, if someone asked me how to get to my house, I would just say 'Practice, practice, practice, and then take a left.'
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It is a little ironic that one thing a babysitter should not do is sit on a baby.
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I wish my name started with a comma. That would be so dramatic.
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Fire truck with back end on fire drives really fast in circles.
Demetri Martin