Quote

I saw a sign that said, 'Watch for children.' I was like, 'That sounds like a fair trade - especially if they're crappy kids.'

Demetri Martin

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Demetri Martin
Age: 51
Born: 1973
Born: May 25
Comedian
Film Actor
Film Director
Film Score Composer
Screenwriter
Television Actor
Voice Actor
New York City
New York
Demetri Evan Martin
Saws
Watches
Watch
Crappy
Especially
Sign
Sound
Fairs
Kids
Sounds
Children
Fair
Like
Trade

More quotes by Demetri Martin

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I thought I would, you know, go to college, get to law school, finish, and then get a job and work as a lawyer, but that proved to be not a good fit for me.
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Popcorn is one of the only situations in which you eat the result of an explosion.
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When someone shows you a picture of their kids what they don't want to hear is Oh, yeah, I got pictures of your kid too.
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I need to develop some patience - immediately.
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A lot of things look cooler in slow motion. Eating isn't one of them.
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I bought a dictionary. First thing I did was, I looked up the word dictionary, and it said you're an asshole.
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You never forget your first kiss. And that's what makes it so hard to forgive my uncle.
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I find that a shirt is most similar to a napkin when I don't have a napkin.
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The key to life is balance, especially if you are on a ledge.
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When there's someone who's dead and then someone does something that that person would not have liked, they say that that person is spinning in their grave. But I don't understand why they say that. Why is spinning the way that a corpse shows disapproval?
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Artistically, I find jokes really satisfying aesthetically, because there's something great about getting an idea down to a sentence or two.
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Brought to you by raising your voice. The next best thing to being right.
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I think there are so many little hurdles and impediments with stand-up that you'd need to have this insane desire to do it if you didn't have something that clicked right away.
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A good name for a gang would be The Uneducated Idiot Tough Guys.
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I would like to have windshield wipers that do the whole windshield, please.
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My friend says touche way too much. He's a touche bag.
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Separate but equal is terrible for education but it's perfect for eyebrows.
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Futon World - a wonderful place that becomes slowly less comfortable over time.
Demetri Martin
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At any minute, I am four minutes from a poncho.
Demetri Martin
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I'm very hip-oriented. I focus on hips in my comedy - probably more than any other hipster comic who is out there hipping today. My hips, other hips. I work with my hips a great deal. That is what I do. But not in a gay way.
Demetri Martin