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It would be interesting if Elvis were reincarnated as an Elvis impersonator.

Demetri Martin

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Demetri Martin
Age: 51
Born: 1973
Born: May 25
Comedian
Film Actor
Film Director
Film Score Composer
Screenwriter
Television Actor
Voice Actor
New York City
New York
Demetri Evan Martin
Interesting
Would
Impersonator
Reincarnated
Impersonators
Elvis
Reincarnation

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A jerk on a motorcycle is equal to a leaf, because I find it beautiful when these things fall.
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Usually, I walk around and think about things. When I come across a thought that makes me laugh, I write it down.
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My policy is 'No stone throwing regardless of housing situation.'
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I wonder what the most intelligent thing ever said was that started with the word 'dude.' 'Dude, these are isotopes.' 'Dude, we removed your kidney. You're gonna be fine.' 'Dude, I am so stoked to win this Nobel Prize. I just wanna thank Kevin, and Turtle, and all my homies.'
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I want to get the joke to work without having to put any words or to say anything. I just want the person to look at it, and quietly in their brain, they can just put it together and say, Cool, that one works.
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Don't forget to turn your clocks back today if you don't want your clocks to be set to the right time.
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I got some new pajamas with pockets in 'em. Which is great, because before that, I used to have to hold stuff when I slept. But now I'm like, 'Where's my planner? There it is. Keep sleeping. All right, perfect.'
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When you have a fat friend there are no see-saws, only catapults.
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I like playing frisbee. It is the only sport where you can throw something at a person and it's okay.
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I learned this summer that peeing in the pool and peeing INTO the pool are very different things. Location, Location, Location.
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Never be less interesting than your refrigerator magnets.
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I didn't do improv in college, I never performed, I didn't do theater either. I was in student government, I was a history major.
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In retrospect, everything is finite, but prospectively, there are infinite possibilities. I guess that's what makes life hopeful.
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I got myself a really nice nib pen, with like 15 kinds of India Ink, and tons of different nibs I think I was just procrastinating, like, once I have the right nib, the book is just going to jump right out of my fingertips... but then it just ended up looking like the shitty drawings that I usually do.
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I think since I was kid people told me that they thought I was funny.
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I wasn't the class clown, but I was starting to become the crazy guy at law school, which is the guy who is not so much crazy as annoying.
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One of the most difficult and ironic murder weapons is the life jacket.
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One of my favorite clothing patterns is camouflage. Because when you're in the woods it makes you blend in. But when you're not it does just the opposite. It's like, 'Hey, there's an asshole.'
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I think a lot of stuff I find funny is from day dreaming.
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The boomerang is Australia's chief export (and then import).
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