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Fire truck with back end on fire drives really fast in circles.

Demetri Martin

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Demetri Martin
Age: 51
Born: 1973
Born: May 25
Comedian
Film Actor
Film Director
Film Score Composer
Screenwriter
Television Actor
Voice Actor
New York City
New York
Demetri Evan Martin
Drives
Circles
Fast
Fire
Ends
Back
Really
Truck

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The boomerang is Australia's chief export (and then import).
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Leave no stone unturned in your quest to disrupt a rock garden.
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I think it's cool when an ex-girlfriend becomes an XL girlfriend.
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A parade looks like a bunch of people are excited about being in traffic.
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Yes, okay, it's cool to be quirky, maybe, on the side. Do some puzzles, make puzzles, whatever, learn how to ride a unicycle. That's cool when it's on the side and you have a plan. What happens when you remove the plan? What you're left with is a guy who likes to do anagrams. And doesn't have a job... Sweet, that's a catch.
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When someone describes themself as a taxpayer, they're about to be an asshole.
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I think it would be worse to get mauled by a dancing bear than just a regular bear because you can't totally blame the dancing bear.
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I wanna buy a bunch of hermit crabs and make them live together.
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A know-it-all is a person who knows everything except for how annoying he is.
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I think if I pick the right thing to spend my time doing, then time moves differently, because I really can get fully immersed in things and feel very alive and challenged, but in a good way. I feel a sense of progress.
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My friend named his car. And I don't want to be judgemental, but... what a dork.
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I bought a new pair of pajamas with pockets, which is great, cause now i don't have to hold things when I sleep.
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I learned this summer that peeing in the pool and peeing INTO the pool are very different things. Location, Location, Location.
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I never went bungee jumping. The closest I did was I was born.
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Employee of the month is a good example of how somebody can be both a winner and a loser at the same time.
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If you remove a treehouse from a tree, than it's just a shitty house. Sometimes when i'm in a shitty house, I like to imagine that it's in a tree, than it's like Woah, this house is amazing.
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My friend says touche way too much. He's a touche bag.
Demetri Martin
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When I am given a multiple choice test I choose not to take it.
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Artistically, I find jokes really satisfying aesthetically, because there's something great about getting an idea down to a sentence or two.
Demetri Martin
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When someone asks you the question 'Are you ticklish' it doesn't matter if you say yes or no, cause they're going to touch you. If someone asks if you're ticklish and you don't want to be touched you should something like 'I have diarrhea, now don't touch me cause you'll make it come out... and yes I'm very ticklish'.
Demetri Martin