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Fire truck with back end on fire drives really fast in circles.
Demetri Martin
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Demetri Martin
Age: 51
Born: 1973
Born: May 25
Comedian
Film Actor
Film Director
Film Score Composer
Screenwriter
Television Actor
Voice Actor
New York City
New York
Demetri Evan Martin
Drives
Circles
Fast
Fire
Ends
Back
Really
Truck
More quotes by Demetri Martin
I wonder if there were any goths in gothic times. They're like: You look completely appropriate. You don't look stupid or lonely at all.
Demetri Martin
Rock is fine. No structural damage to rock. Rock can break through paper at any point. Just say the word. Paper sucks.
Demetri Martin
When someone shows you a picture of their kids what they don't want to hear is Oh, yeah, I got pictures of your kid too.
Demetri Martin
If I have to move up in a building, I choose the elevator over the escalator. Because one time I was riding the escalator and I tripped. I fell down the stairs for an hour and a half.
Demetri Martin
One thing you never hear is Man that guy is good at badminton.
Demetri Martin
The clothes make the man. The children working in sweatshops make the clothes. Therefore, the children working in sweatshops make the man.
Demetri Martin
I remember when I used to be really into nostalgia.
Demetri Martin
I'm not a lawmaker, but I was thinking that if you have a really loud ring tone, maybe you should be stabbed in the ear?
Demetri Martin
The shortest feedback loop I can think of is doing improvisation in front of an audience.
Demetri Martin
If I think of a joke that's really dirty and I think it's funny I'll try it but what I've found over the years is they just don't laugh. It doesn't work coming out of my mouth so it's like they taught me 'don't do that. Don't go that way or you'll lose me.'
Demetri Martin
I am sometimes referred to as Excuse Me in an annoyed tone of voice, because apparently I am in the way. I am so sorry. I am supposed to be some sort of mind reader, I guess. I am moving out of the way now as slowly as I possibly can. I am doing this and there's nothing you can do about it.
Demetri Martin
When I first heard the term 'training bra,' I was freaked out. I was pretty young and I said, 'Did you just say training bra? They're training their chests? I had no idea.' See some lady, her boobs are everywhere. 'What's her deal?' Those are untrained titties.
Demetri Martin
The key to life is balance, especially if you are on a ledge.
Demetri Martin
A good name for a gang would be The Uneducated Idiot Tough Guys.
Demetri Martin
There's a store in my neighborhood called Futon World. I like that name, 'Futon World.' Makes me think of a magical place that gets less and less comfortable over time.
Demetri Martin
I wonder what the most intelligent thing ever said was that started with the word 'dude.' 'Dude, these are isotopes.' 'Dude, we removed your kidney. You're gonna be fine.' 'Dude, I am so stoked to win this Nobel Prize. I just wanna thank Kevin, and Turtle, and all my homies.'
Demetri Martin
A know-it-all is a person who knows everything except for how annoying he is.
Demetri Martin
Coffee is like a bra. 3 cups is one too many.
Demetri Martin
If you drink enough beer, everything turns in to a bed.
Demetri Martin
Whenever I'm on my computer, I don't type 'lol'. I type 'lqtm' - laugh quietly to myself. It's more honest.
Demetri Martin