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You get really disillusioned, because you thought you were in love. But you realize that you're just alone.

Demetri Martin

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Demetri Martin
Age: 51
Born: 1973
Born: May 25
Comedian
Film Actor
Film Director
Film Score Composer
Screenwriter
Television Actor
Voice Actor
New York City
New York
Demetri Evan Martin
Disillusioned
Realize
Realizing
Alone
Thought
Really
Love

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Popcorn is one of the only situations in which you eat the result of an explosion.
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If I ever saw an amputee getting hanged, I'd probably just start calling out letters.
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I ordered a wake-up call the other day. The phone rang and a woman's voice said, 'What the hell are you doing with your life?'
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When I was a kid, I always wanted to live in California because I liked skateboarding.
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It's interesting to be an adult and to have that level of ignorance about something, because the nice part about is you get that discovery. The learning curve is so rich and steep.
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I got into stand up just to do stand up because I love stand up.
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What I've learned about my self over the years is that I'm pretty restless. If I multitask it's probably because I have difficulty just focusing on one thing.
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I think there are so many little hurdles and impediments with stand-up that you'd need to have this insane desire to do it if you didn't have something that clicked right away.
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The easiest time to add insult to injury is when you're signing somebody's cast.
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I bought a new pair of pajamas with pockets, which is great, cause now i don't have to hold things when I sleep.
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I wrapped my Christmas presents early this year, but I used the wrong paper. See, the paper I used said 'Happy Birthday' on it. I didn't want to waste it so I just wrote 'Jesus' on it.
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If you happen to catch on fire during the show, do not panic or wave your arms around or scream or we wil give something to panic and wave you arms around and scream about.
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Nothing wise was ever printed upon an apron.
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Usually, I walk around and think about things. When I come across a thought that makes me laugh, I write it down.
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The clothes make the man. The children working in sweatshops make the clothes. Therefore, the children working in sweatshops make the man.
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I used to get bummed out when it rained then I realized that it's God's way of washing off hippies.
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I have an erratic drummer for anybody who's just listening to this, he can keep time, but just in spurts.
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I like shorter jokes. I like fewer words. I think the more ideas there are the, the fewer words there should be.
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My policy is 'No stone throwing regardless of housing situation.'
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Everybody knew that you should never provoke a rattlesnake, much less tie it into a bow. But that didn't stop Judd. What did stop him was the rattlesnake.
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