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You get really disillusioned, because you thought you were in love. But you realize that you're just alone.

Demetri Martin

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Demetri Martin
Age: 51
Born: 1973
Born: May 25
Comedian
Film Actor
Film Director
Film Score Composer
Screenwriter
Television Actor
Voice Actor
New York City
New York
Demetri Evan Martin
Thought
Really
Love
Disillusioned
Realize
Realizing
Alone

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The bird, the bee, the running child are all the same to the sliding glass door.
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One of the most difficult and ironic murder weapons is the life jacket.
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I got into stand up just to do stand up because I love stand up.
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Your mind is like a sponge, in the sense that it would come in handy when cleaning off a countertop or something like that.
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They say that structure is freedom, and in a sense it is. When you're dealing with multiple constraints, you have to figure out what you can get out of that.
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Stand up is really fun because if I think of a joke or a funny idea, then I can just go and tell some people and if they laugh, they laugh right away.
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My friend named his car. And I don't want to be judgemental, but... what a dork.
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My family was fine, it's just a different way of going about life. Creativity was not something that was isolated and identified and valued.
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Yes, okay, it's cool to be quirky, maybe, on the side. Do some puzzles, make puzzles, whatever, learn how to ride a unicycle. That's cool when it's on the side and you have a plan. What happens when you remove the plan? What you're left with is a guy who likes to do anagrams. And doesn't have a job... Sweet, that's a catch.
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A know-it-all is a person who knows everything except for how annoying he is.
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When there's someone who's dead and then someone does something that that person would not have liked, they say that that person is spinning in their grave. But I don't understand why they say that. Why is spinning the way that a corpse shows disapproval?
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I was a good student when I was a kid, and I did everything I was supposed to do, and I got A's.
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I think it would be worse to get mauled by a dancing bear than just a regular bear because you can't totally blame the dancing bear.
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I like video games, but they are very violent. I want to create a video game in which you have to help all the characters who have died in the other games. 'Hey, man, what are you playing?' 'Super Busy Hospital. Could you leave me alone? I'm performing surgery! This guy got shot in the head, like, 27 times!'
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Right now someone out there is struggling and starting to panic because they can't get out of a tempurpedic bed.
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I wasn't even a big comedy nerd. A lot of the comedians I know - a lot of my friends are comedians - they knew a lot about comedy growing up.
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But I found that disappointing people is a good thing, because disapproval is freedom.
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I never set out to do a sketch show.
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The chances of someone who looks like Jesus having pot raises steadily, to a point. If the guy is on a cross you may have the wrong guy.
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When I am given a multiple choice test I choose not to take it.
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