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Earrings are the same as sneezes: Two is okay, but ten in a row is annoying. If you have two then, God bless you.
Demetri Martin
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Demetri Martin
Age: 51
Born: 1973
Born: May 25
Comedian
Film Actor
Film Director
Film Score Composer
Screenwriter
Television Actor
Voice Actor
New York City
New York
Demetri Evan Martin
Annoying
Bless
Ten
Okay
Two
Sneezes
Earrings
More quotes by Demetri Martin
A sports bar is a way to take a bar and fill it with even more annoying people than usual.
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I've heard of many chocoholics, but I ain't never seen no chocohol. We got an epidemic, people: people who like chocolate but don't understand word endings. They're probably over-workaholled.
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I remember when I used to be really into nostalgia.
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Never be less interesting than your refrigerator magnets.
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I can move objects with my mind, if I use my hands.
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When I look up at the clouds I see so many animals, mostly sheep who have lost their limbs and heads.
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I think it's cool when an ex-girlfriend becomes an XL girlfriend.
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I am everything and I am nothing. I am just kidding I am not everything and nothing. That would be ridiculous. I am just everything.
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If you remove a treehouse from a tree, than it's just a shitty house. Sometimes when i'm in a shitty house, I like to imagine that it's in a tree, than it's like Woah, this house is amazing.
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My mind says one thing, but my body says another. Thanks a lot, Indian food and beer.
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Artistically, I find jokes really satisfying aesthetically, because there's something great about getting an idea down to a sentence or two.
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Whenever I investigate a smell, I find that the answer is always bad. It's never: 'What is that? *sniff* muffins!'
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A parade looks like a bunch of people are excited about being in traffic.
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I was walking in the park and this guy waved at me. Then he said, 'I'm sorry, I thought you were someone else.' I said, 'I am.'
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The earth without art is just eh.
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I would like to have windshield wipers that do the whole windshield, please.
Demetri Martin
The shortest feedback loop I can think of is doing improvisation in front of an audience.
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The chances of someone who looks like Jesus having pot raises steadily, to a point. If the guy is on a cross you may have the wrong guy.
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When there's someone who's dead and then someone does something that that person would not have liked, they say that that person is spinning in their grave. But I don't understand why they say that. Why is spinning the way that a corpse shows disapproval?
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There are very few songs about just liking someone as a friend.
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