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Earrings are the same as sneezes: Two is okay, but ten in a row is annoying. If you have two then, God bless you.
Demetri Martin
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Demetri Martin
Age: 51
Born: 1973
Born: May 25
Comedian
Film Actor
Film Director
Film Score Composer
Screenwriter
Television Actor
Voice Actor
New York City
New York
Demetri Evan Martin
Two
Sneezes
Earrings
Annoying
Bless
Ten
Okay
More quotes by Demetri Martin
To look like you are a real sports fan, when there is a game on TV just yell, Oh, come on! every now and then at the TV.
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I was walking in the park and this guy waved at me. Then he said, 'I'm sorry, I thought you were someone else.' I said, 'I am.'
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I need to develop some patience - immediately.
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I wasn't the class clown, but I was starting to become the crazy guy at law school, which is the guy who is not so much crazy as annoying.
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Timing is everything. That's a cliche. Now. If I'd said that a long time ago, I'd have been original.
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People only mention it's a free country if they're doing something shitty.
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There's a store in my neighborhood called Futon World. I like that name, 'Futon World.' Makes me think of a magical place that gets less and less comfortable over time.
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One thing you never hear is Man that guy is good at badminton.
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A couple weeks ago I was on the street and I saw an ugly pregnant lady, and I just thought, 'Good for you.'
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A drunk driver is very dangerous. So is a drunk backseat driver if he's persuasive.
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The clothes make the man. The children working in sweatshops make the clothes. Therefore, the children working in sweatshops make the man.
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It's always helpful to remember that in the grand scheme of things you are much more important than... um, wait, than... something, maybe.
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And as far as actors go, Peter Sellers is my all-time favorite.
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