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Your mind is like a sponge, in the sense that it would come in handy when cleaning off a countertop or something like that.
Demetri Martin
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Demetri Martin
Age: 51
Born: 1973
Born: May 25
Comedian
Film Actor
Film Director
Film Score Composer
Screenwriter
Television Actor
Voice Actor
New York City
New York
Demetri Evan Martin
Mind
Something
Would
Sponge
Like
Sponges
Handy
Cleaning
Sense
Come
More quotes by Demetri Martin
A cool tattoo design is any drawing that would also look good saggy.
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Small businesses are important, but so are tiny businesses.
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Checkers taught me that a King is a man with another man on top of him. But life taught me that that's actually called a Queen.
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Don't talk to strangers. Sure, unless you want to meet anyone ever.
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I can move objects with my mind, if I use my hands.
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When someone shows you a picture of their kids what they don't want to hear is Oh, yeah, I got pictures of your kid too.
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I've often liked a girl, made her laugh, and thought she liked me, and then found out that she didn't like me that way. I've definitely done time in the friend zone.
Demetri Martin
There are very few songs about just liking someone as a friend.
Demetri Martin
Automatic paper towel dispensers are a solution to something that was never a problem in the first place.
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I need to develop some patience - immediately.
Demetri Martin
I don't know what the long form of OK is. I wanna think it's okie dokie. 'I'm okie dokie. I'm a little shaken up, but I'm okie dokie.' 'The good news is, she's okie dokie. The surgery went fine.'
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You are ten times more likely to get hit by a car when the driver is aiming for you.
Demetri Martin
The worst time to have a heart attack is during a game of charades.
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I like to stand near ATM machines, and when somebody types in their pin number, I go, 'Got it!' And then I run away.
Demetri Martin
I would like to have windshield wipers that do the whole windshield, please.
Demetri Martin
When I am holding a water balloon, so many things look so unnecessarily dry.
Demetri Martin
I think there's a difference between making comedy and reporting comedy. When you're a joke teller you can easily fall into the second, you can show up and just say the jokes.
Demetri Martin
I go the gym and I try to run on the treadmill and I listen to music but it doesn't motivate me enough. So I'm going to get a recording of a pack of wolves gaining on me. People would be like, 'Why is that guy crying on that treadmill over there?' 'I don't know, but he's been yelling, 'help' for like 20 minutes. He's getting a good workout.
Demetri Martin
Never forget where you came from. That's what I think when I walk into a cave.
Demetri Martin
I am sometimes referred to as Excuse Me in an annoyed tone of voice, because apparently I am in the way. I am so sorry. I am supposed to be some sort of mind reader, I guess. I am moving out of the way now as slowly as I possibly can. I am doing this and there's nothing you can do about it.
Demetri Martin