Quote

Cotton candy is the perfect snack for when I'm in the mood to eat dry, scratchy fabric.

Demetri Martin

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Demetri Martin
Age: 51
Born: 1973
Born: May 25
Comedian
Film Actor
Film Director
Film Score Composer
Screenwriter
Television Actor
Voice Actor
New York City
New York
Demetri Evan Martin
Snack
Snacks
Cotton
Candy
Dry
Fabric
Mood
Perfect
Scratchy

More quotes by Demetri Martin

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If you want to dry hump someone you don't know, just act like they were choking.
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It's always helpful to remember that in the grand scheme of things you are much more important than... um, wait, than... something, maybe.
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I can tell how lonely I am by how easily I'm fooled by a mannequin in a store.
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A parade looks like a bunch of people are excited about being in traffic.
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Specifically in stand-up, I love jokes. I love short, structured ideas and a punchline.
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When I am at rodeo I find it difficult not to root for the animals.
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Yes, okay, it's cool to be quirky, maybe, on the side. Do some puzzles, make puzzles, whatever, learn how to ride a unicycle. That's cool when it's on the side and you have a plan. What happens when you remove the plan? What you're left with is a guy who likes to do anagrams. And doesn't have a job... Sweet, that's a catch.
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When I trip, I feel like that's the world saying come here for a second. It just pulls me closer for a second, yeah what do you want? I just want to remind you that you're uncoordinated. I'm aware of that, thank you... can I go now? Yeah, you can go, but never ever try to outrun me. Ok, world, see you later. Yeah, I'll see you in about 50 years.
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I think it would be worse to get mauled by a dancing bear than just a regular bear because you can't totally blame the dancing bear.
Demetri Martin
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My friend says touche way too much. He's a touche bag.
Demetri Martin
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It's not enough to say I'm sorry. You have to also mean it. It's the same with saying I'm single.
Demetri Martin
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Planning trip around the globe, that is in my room.
Demetri Martin
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Swimming is a confusing sport, because sometimes you do it for fun, and other times you do it to not die. And when I'm swimming, sometimes I'm not sure which one it is.
Demetri Martin
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There's a very fine line between giving someone the Heimlich maneuver and dry-humping a stranger.
Demetri Martin
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I find that a shirt is most similar to a napkin when I don't have a napkin.
Demetri Martin
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The sofa is the enemy of productivity.
Demetri Martin
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Leave no stone unturned in your quest to disrupt a rock garden.
Demetri Martin
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It's funny: when people always talk about the importance of role models, I used to think that was so exaggerated, but as I get older, I start to realize I don't feel that way so much anymore. If you see somebody like you who's doing something, an older version of what you are, it does make you feel like it's more possible.
Demetri Martin
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Socrates became a trendsetter. Other philosophers, including Plato and Aristotle and Gus, quickly followed suit, dropping their last names too. And, for centuries after that there would be countless imitators including oltaire, Michelangelo, and, much later, Cher.
Demetri Martin
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My policy is 'No stone throwing regardless of housing situation.'
Demetri Martin