Quote

Cotton candy is the perfect snack for when I'm in the mood to eat dry, scratchy fabric.

Demetri Martin

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Demetri Martin
Age: 51
Born: 1973
Born: May 25
Comedian
Film Actor
Film Director
Film Score Composer
Screenwriter
Television Actor
Voice Actor
New York City
New York
Demetri Evan Martin
Candy
Dry
Fabric
Mood
Perfect
Scratchy
Snack
Snacks
Cotton

More quotes by Demetri Martin

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I want to launch a globe into space just to mess with the astronauts.
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I just started doing this one-man show, and I wanted to be able to score it, so I bought a guitar, and got a keyboard and got a harmonica. I remember when I started that I didn't understand why a harmonica had different letters on them.
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But I found that disappointing people is a good thing, because disapproval is freedom.
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Fire truck with back end on fire drives really fast in circles.
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Stand up is really fun because if I think of a joke or a funny idea, then I can just go and tell some people and if they laugh, they laugh right away.
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A couple weeks ago I was on the street and I saw an ugly pregnant lady, and I just thought, 'Good for you.'
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Sometimes it looks like I'm dancing, but it's just that I walked into a spider web.
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Futon World - a wonderful place that becomes slowly less comfortable over time.
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When I was a kid, I always wanted to live in California because I liked skateboarding.
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I like to go to concerts because I love to see my favorite band through the phone of the asshole who's standing in front of me.
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I got into stand up just to do stand up because I love stand up.
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My friend says touche way too much. He's a touche bag.
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To some I am known as Chief. And these are usually people who work in Radio Shack or try to sell me shoes. To others I am known as Buddy. These are people who dwell in bars and wonder if I’ve got a problem or what it is that I am “looking at.” And to still others, who are in that same bar, standing just off to the side, I am “Get Him!
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What I've learned about my self over the years is that I'm pretty restless. If I multitask it's probably because I have difficulty just focusing on one thing.
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Count your blessings, but not out-loud, at the top of your lungs.
Demetri Martin
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There's a very fine line between giving someone the Heimlich maneuver and dry-humping a stranger.
Demetri Martin
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I'm not a lawmaker, but I was thinking that if you have a really loud ring tone, maybe you should be stabbed in the ear?
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As soon as I jumped out of the airplane, I realized I had forgotten my parachute. Thank God we were still on the runway.
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I didn't do improv in college, I never performed, I didn't do theater either. I was in student government, I was a history major.
Demetri Martin
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I was stuck in traffic and I looked in the mirror and in the car behind me there was a couple having a horrible argument and right below their image it said Objects In Mirror Are Closer Than They Appear. I just thought, man I hope so because she was pretty mad.
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