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Sometimes it looks like I'm dancing, but it's just that I walked into a spider web.
Demetri Martin
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Demetri Martin
Age: 51
Born: 1973
Born: May 25
Comedian
Film Actor
Film Director
Film Score Composer
Screenwriter
Television Actor
Voice Actor
New York City
New York
Demetri Evan Martin
Spider
Spiders
Walked
Dancing
Looks
Sometimes
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More quotes by Demetri Martin
I'm so secretive that when someone asks me, Hey, can you keep a secret? I say That's none of your business.
Demetri Martin
I want to launch a globe into space just to mess with the astronauts.
Demetri Martin
And as far as actors go, Peter Sellers is my all-time favorite.
Demetri Martin
I don't think I ever wrote a song. I can write a lot of jokes, but when I try to write lyrics they're the most direct, non-figurative words, like, 'I like you, I like you,'... and that's it, for the whole song. People would go, 'Ooh, this guy's Dylan or something.' It gives me a lot more respect for songwriters, actually.
Demetri Martin
Planning trip around the globe, that is in my room.
Demetri Martin
My policy is 'No stone throwing regardless of housing situation.'
Demetri Martin
I do come across people who don't like me, don't like my comedy, don't think it's funny, it's too cutesy, or whatever they hate. And it's like, Okay. That's your opinion. Somebody liked it, so that's good. Hopefully it balances out.
Demetri Martin
I think since I was kid people told me that they thought I was funny.
Demetri Martin
I think it's cool when an ex-girlfriend becomes an XL girlfriend.
Demetri Martin
I wanna put stickers on turtles... I don't know why.
Demetri Martin
The clothes make the man. The children working in sweatshops make the clothes. Therefore, the children working in sweatshops make the man.
Demetri Martin
If you stretched the average person's intestines out from end to end, it would make them scream a lot.
Demetri Martin
I never set out to do a sketch show.
Demetri Martin
If someone throws a pie at your face, just open your mouth really wide and say, 'Thanks for feeding me, a**hole.'
Demetri Martin
I go the gym and I try to run on the treadmill and I listen to music but it doesn't motivate me enough. So I'm going to get a recording of a pack of wolves gaining on me. People would be like, 'Why is that guy crying on that treadmill over there?' 'I don't know, but he's been yelling, 'help' for like 20 minutes. He's getting a good workout.
Demetri Martin
I just found out that I have more allies than America!
Demetri Martin
If only loud people were even half as interesting as they think they are.
Demetri Martin
Fire truck with back end on fire drives really fast in circles.
Demetri Martin
When people show me pictures of their kids, it's okay. But when I give them a picture of me, to show to their kids, I'm weird. What kind of one way street is that?
Demetri Martin
A drunk driver is very dangerous. So is a drunk backseat driver if he's persuasive.
Demetri Martin
