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The earth without art is just eh.

Demetri Martin

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Demetri Martin
Age: 51
Born: 1973
Born: May 25
Comedian
Film Actor
Film Director
Film Score Composer
Screenwriter
Television Actor
Voice Actor
New York City
New York
Demetri Evan Martin
Earth
Without
Art

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The difference between a child's toy and an adult toy is: location, location, location.
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I believe in empathy. When religion provides that for people, it's the best thing in the world.
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They say it's lonely at the top. It must be even lonelier at the tippy top.
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Usually, I walk around and think about things. When I come across a thought that makes me laugh, I write it down.
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I didn't do improv in college, I never performed, I didn't do theater either. I was in student government, I was a history major.
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Futon World - a wonderful place that becomes slowly less comfortable over time.
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Batteries are the most dramatic object. Other things stop working or they break, But Batteries... They Die.
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I've learned something on the road, traveling around: state shapes. The easier it is to draw the shape of the state, the harder it is to live in that state. So, if you live in a regular polygon, get the hell outta there. You gotta move to a squiggly area. Culture's attracted to squiggles.
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When I am at rodeo I find it difficult not to root for the animals.
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I wonder if there were any goths in gothic times. They're like: You look completely appropriate. You don't look stupid or lonely at all.
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Having a beard is a good way to make your face more susceptible to velcro.
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Man is the most powerful creature on the planet. And we're arrogant. I mean, people own birds. It's like, there's a creature with the gift of flight. I want it. I'm going to put it in my kitchen and make it crap on old information.
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To look like you are a real sports fan, when there is a game on TV just yell, Oh, come on! every now and then at the TV.
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Halloween's my favorite holiday because you don't have to spend it with your family.
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I think since I was kid people told me that they thought I was funny.
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You can say 'Thanks,' and you can say 'Thanks a Million' - but any number in between?
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Whenever I investigate a smell, I find that the answer is always bad. It's never: 'What is that? *sniff* muffins!'
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To remove blood stains from your conscience try frozen margaritas.
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As soon as I jumped out of the airplane, I realized I had forgotten my parachute. Thank God we were still on the runway.
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People and squirrels are very different. Most people will not argue that. But I find that there is one situation in which they're very similar. And that is: when I am driving towards them in my car. Then they're kind of hard to tell apart - especially if the human is kind of hairy.
Demetri Martin