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I can tell how lonely I am by how easily I'm fooled by a mannequin in a store.
Demetri Martin
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Demetri Martin
Age: 51
Born: 1973
Born: May 25
Comedian
Film Actor
Film Director
Film Score Composer
Screenwriter
Television Actor
Voice Actor
New York City
New York
Demetri Evan Martin
Fooled
Store
Stores
Easily
Lonely
Tell
Mannequin
More quotes by Demetri Martin
I bought a dictionary. First thing I did was, I looked up the word dictionary, and it said you're an asshole.
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I don't like thank you cards because I don't know what else to say. What do I put on the inside? See Front.
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Americans who do not celebrate Independence Day: pets.
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Coffee is like a bra. 3 cups is one too many.
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The lord works in mysterious ways. Indeed. And a shorter way to say that is: God is a sneak.
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Socrates became a trendsetter. Other philosophers, including Plato and Aristotle and Gus, quickly followed suit, dropping their last names too. And, for centuries after that there would be countless imitators including oltaire, Michelangelo, and, much later, Cher.
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Small businesses are important, but so are tiny businesses.
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I wanna put stickers on turtles... I don't know why.
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I think my favorite sound is the sound of someone not playing the bongos.
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Having a beard is a good way to make your face more susceptible to velcro.
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If you want to dry hump someone you don't know, just act like they were choking.
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I like playing frisbee. It is the only sport where you can throw something at a person and it's okay.
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I never went bungee jumping. The closest I did was I was born.
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I think a lot of stuff I find funny is from day dreaming.
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I think since I was kid people told me that they thought I was funny.
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I used to get bummed out when it rained then I realized that it's God's way of washing off hippies.
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I was eating some candy and looked on the wrapper, and it said made from natural and artificial flavors. You could just say flavors.
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I just listen to so much music that I like the role music can play in scoring something. I'm not doing song parodies or funny songs, I'm just adding some music to my words. So it's limited and specific, but as a performer I find it pretty enjoyable.
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The earth without art is just eh.
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I was a good student when I was a kid, and I did everything I was supposed to do, and I got A's.
Demetri Martin