Quote

I can tell how lonely I am by how easily I'm fooled by a mannequin in a store.

Demetri Martin

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Demetri Martin
Age: 51
Born: 1973
Born: May 25
Comedian
Film Actor
Film Director
Film Score Composer
Screenwriter
Television Actor
Voice Actor
New York City
New York
Demetri Evan Martin
Tell
Mannequin
Fooled
Store
Stores
Easily
Lonely

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When you have a fat friend there are no see-saws, only catapults.
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I like to stand near ATM machines, and when somebody types in their pin number, I go, 'Got it!' And then I run away.
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People and squirrels are very different. Most people will not argue that. But I find that there is one situation in which they're very similar. And that is: when I am driving towards them in my car. Then they're kind of hard to tell apart - especially if the human is kind of hairy.
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They say that structure is freedom, and in a sense it is. When you're dealing with multiple constraints, you have to figure out what you can get out of that.
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Sometimes I feel like I'm being watched, but then I remember that my show was canceled three years ago.
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I believe in empathy. When religion provides that for people, it's the best thing in the world.
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I wanna design a video game where you'd have to take care of all the people shot in all the other video games.
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A sports bar is a way to take a bar and fill it with even more annoying people than usual.
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Employee of the month is a good example of how somebody can be both a winner and a loser at the same time.
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I wanna put stickers on turtles... I don't know why.
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I think since I was kid people told me that they thought I was funny.
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A couple weeks ago I was on the street and I saw an ugly pregnant lady, and I just thought, 'Good for you.'
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I wonder if there were any goths in gothic times. They're like: You look completely appropriate. You don't look stupid or lonely at all.
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It is impossible for a cyclops to wink.
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My friend named his car. And I don't want to be judgemental, but... what a dork.
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It would be interesting if Elvis were reincarnated as an Elvis impersonator.
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I got some new pajamas with pockets in 'em. Which is great, because before that, I used to have to hold stuff when I slept. But now I'm like, 'Where's my planner? There it is. Keep sleeping. All right, perfect.'
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I'm a producer on my show, which is great, but it's also kind of a mixed blessing because there's so much responsibility. Everything is a decision. You have to worry about the money, you have to worry about daylight, who we're going to cast and if this location doesn't work out, what are we going to do?
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I never went bungee jumping. The closest I did was I was born.
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I like parties, but I don't like piñatas because the pinata promotes violence against flamboyant animals. Hey, there's a donkey with some pizzazz. Let's kick its ass.
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