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I wanna see a snake eat spaghetti.

Demetri Martin

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Demetri Martin
Age: 51
Born: 1973
Born: May 25
Comedian
Film Actor
Film Director
Film Score Composer
Screenwriter
Television Actor
Voice Actor
New York City
New York
Demetri Evan Martin
Spaghetti
Snake
Snakes
Wanna

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You can say 'Thanks,' and you can say 'Thanks a Million' - but any number in between?
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If you want to dry hump someone you don't know, just act like they were choking.
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When I look up at the clouds I see so many animals, mostly sheep who have lost their limbs and heads.
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The boomerang is Australia's chief export (and then import).
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If I were blind, I'd wear a blindfold all the time.
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It's very easy to turn a toy into an adult toy: Location, location, location.
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A dreamcatcher works, if your dream is to be gay.
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I need to develop some patience - immediately.
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I learned this summer that peeing in the pool and peeing INTO the pool are very different things. Location, Location, Location.
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Sometimes if I really want to get someone's attention, I'll start a sentence with something like, I'm not racist, but... I say, I'm not racist, but you look great today. They say, That wasn't racist at all. I said, I know. I said I'm not racist. You never listen. Typical Mexican.
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One thing you never hear is Man that guy is good at badminton.
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I want to commit a crime during a reenactment, and turn it into an enactment.
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I was eating some candy and looked on the wrapper, and it said made from natural and artificial flavors. You could just say flavors.
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I saw a sign that said, 'Watch for children.' I was like, 'That sounds like a fair trade - especially if they're crappy kids.'
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Batteries are the most dramatic object. Other things stop working or they break, But Batteries... They Die.
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I don't know what the long form of OK is. I wanna think it's okie dokie. 'I'm okie dokie. I'm a little shaken up, but I'm okie dokie.' 'The good news is, she's okie dokie. The surgery went fine.'
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I just found out that I have more allies than America!
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If only loud people were even half as interesting as they think they are.
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I think there are so many little hurdles and impediments with stand-up that you'd need to have this insane desire to do it if you didn't have something that clicked right away.
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One of my favorite clothing patterns is camouflage. Because when you're in the woods it makes you blend in. But when you're not it does just the opposite. It's like, 'Hey, there's an asshole.'
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