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I wanna see a snake eat spaghetti.

Demetri Martin

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Demetri Martin
Age: 51
Born: 1973
Born: May 25
Comedian
Film Actor
Film Director
Film Score Composer
Screenwriter
Television Actor
Voice Actor
New York City
New York
Demetri Evan Martin
Wanna
Spaghetti
Snake
Snakes

More quotes by Demetri Martin

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I like shorter jokes. I like fewer words. I think the more ideas there are the, the fewer words there should be.
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My friend named his car. And I don't want to be judgemental, but... what a dork.
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I wasn't the class clown, but I was starting to become the crazy guy at law school, which is the guy who is not so much crazy as annoying.
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I think it would be cool if you were writing a ransom note on your computer, if the paper clip popped up and said, 'Looks like you're writing a ransom note. Need help? You should use more forceful language, you'll get more money.'
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I got into stand up just to do stand up because I love stand up.
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In retrospect, everything is finite, but prospectively, there are infinite possibilities. I guess that's what makes life hopeful.
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Glitter is the herpes of craft supplies.
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I like parties, but I don't like piñatas because the pinata promotes violence against flamboyant animals. Hey, there's a donkey with some pizzazz. Let's kick its ass.
Demetri Martin
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The clothes make the man. The children working in sweatshops make the clothes. Therefore, the children working in sweatshops make the man.
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Never be less interesting than your refrigerator magnets.
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I bought a dictionary. First thing I did was, I looked up the word dictionary, and it said you're an asshole.
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Halloween's my favorite holiday because you don't have to spend it with your family.
Demetri Martin
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A human head looks the least scary when it is attached.
Demetri Martin
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Planning trip around the globe, that is in my room.
Demetri Martin
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Automatic paper towel dispensers are a solution to something that was never a problem in the first place.
Demetri Martin
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A cool tattoo design is any drawing that would also look good saggy.
Demetri Martin
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I wanna design a video game where you'd have to take care of all the people shot in all the other video games.
Demetri Martin
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I like birthdays because we celebrate life with cakes. It's so cool. Sometimes when I see a baby, I'm like that much more cake in the world. But then when someone dies, I'm like the cake streak is over.
Demetri Martin
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Yes, okay, it's cool to be quirky, maybe, on the side. Do some puzzles, make puzzles, whatever, learn how to ride a unicycle. That's cool when it's on the side and you have a plan. What happens when you remove the plan? What you're left with is a guy who likes to do anagrams. And doesn't have a job... Sweet, that's a catch.
Demetri Martin
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I wanna put stickers on turtles... I don't know why.
Demetri Martin