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I wanna see a snake eat spaghetti.

Demetri Martin

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Demetri Martin
Age: 51
Born: 1973
Born: May 25
Comedian
Film Actor
Film Director
Film Score Composer
Screenwriter
Television Actor
Voice Actor
New York City
New York
Demetri Evan Martin
Spaghetti
Snake
Snakes
Wanna

More quotes by Demetri Martin

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Earrings are the same as sneezes: Two is okay, but ten in a row is annoying. If you have two then, God bless you.
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I don't like thank you cards because I don't know what else to say. What do I put on the inside? See Front.
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A know-it-all is a person who knows everything except for how annoying he is.
Demetri Martin
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It's funny: when people always talk about the importance of role models, I used to think that was so exaggerated, but as I get older, I start to realize I don't feel that way so much anymore. If you see somebody like you who's doing something, an older version of what you are, it does make you feel like it's more possible.
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I wonder if, as a society, we will ever be able to call someone a jive tofurkey.
Demetri Martin
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It would be interesting if Elvis were reincarnated as an Elvis impersonator.
Demetri Martin
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Yes, okay, it's cool to be quirky, maybe, on the side. Do some puzzles, make puzzles, whatever, learn how to ride a unicycle. That's cool when it's on the side and you have a plan. What happens when you remove the plan? What you're left with is a guy who likes to do anagrams. And doesn't have a job... Sweet, that's a catch.
Demetri Martin
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A jerk on a motorcycle is equal to a leaf, because I find it beautiful when these things fall.
Demetri Martin
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I care about politics, but I have a tough time making comedy out of it. I was so happy to have a chance to be on The Daily Show, and I think Jon Stewart's so funny... but mostly in my own comedy, I care about less relevant things.
Demetri Martin
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I was walking in the park and this guy waved at me. Then he said, 'I'm sorry, I thought you were someone else.' I said, 'I am.'
Demetri Martin
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I used to play sports. Then I realized you can buy trophies. Now I am good at everything.
Demetri Martin
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How fast does a zebra have to run before it looks gray.
Demetri Martin
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My friend named his car. And I don't want to be judgemental, but... what a dork.
Demetri Martin
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I was stuck in traffic and I looked in the mirror and in the car behind me there was a couple having a horrible argument and right below their image it said Objects In Mirror Are Closer Than They Appear. I just thought, man I hope so because she was pretty mad.
Demetri Martin
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Timing is everything. That's a cliche. Now. If I'd said that a long time ago, I'd have been original.
Demetri Martin
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I am a ceiling fan, especially during rain.
Demetri Martin
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Dogs seem more photogenic than cats. In photos most cats look like sociopaths.
Demetri Martin
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I've often liked a girl, made her laugh, and thought she liked me, and then found out that she didn't like me that way. I've definitely done time in the friend zone.
Demetri Martin
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A drunk driver is very dangerous. So is a drunk backseat driver if he's persuasive.
Demetri Martin
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What's this about rice milk? I didn't even know rice had nipples!
Demetri Martin