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Don't forget to turn your clocks back today if you don't want your clocks to be set to the right time.

Demetri Martin

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Demetri Martin
Age: 51
Born: 1973
Born: May 25
Comedian
Film Actor
Film Director
Film Score Composer
Screenwriter
Television Actor
Voice Actor
New York City
New York
Demetri Evan Martin
Right
Time
Clocks
Clock
Turn
Forget
Turns
Today
Back

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The difference between a child's toy and an adult toy is: location, location, location.
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I think since I was kid people told me that they thought I was funny.
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The sofa is the enemy of productivity.
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I learned this summer that peeing in the pool and peeing INTO the pool are very different things. Location, Location, Location.
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I bought a cactus. A week later it died. And I got depressed, because I thought, Damn. I am less nurturing than a desert.
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It's very easy to turn a toy into an adult toy: Location, location, location.
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They say it's lonely at the top. It must be even lonelier at the tippy top.
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I was eating some candy and looked on the wrapper, and it said made from natural and artificial flavors. You could just say flavors.
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I think there are so many little hurdles and impediments with stand-up that you'd need to have this insane desire to do it if you didn't have something that clicked right away.
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I can always tell how stupid someone is by how certain they are about what they're saying.
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To look like you are a real sports fan, when there is a game on TV just yell, Oh, come on! every now and then at the TV.
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Swimming is a confusing sport, because sometimes you do it for fun, and other times you do it to not die. And when I'm swimming, sometimes I'm not sure which one it is.
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Socrates became a trendsetter. Other philosophers, including Plato and Aristotle and Gus, quickly followed suit, dropping their last names too. And, for centuries after that there would be countless imitators including oltaire, Michelangelo, and, much later, Cher.
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I like birthdays because we celebrate life with cakes. It's so cool. Sometimes when I see a baby, I'm like that much more cake in the world. But then when someone dies, I'm like the cake streak is over.
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When people show me pictures of their kids, it's okay. But when I give them a picture of me, to show to their kids, I'm weird. What kind of one way street is that?
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It seems that man's greatest natural enemy is the target.
Demetri Martin
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I was student council president in high school, and even in law school, I was vice-president of the student bar association.
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I believe in empathy. When religion provides that for people, it's the best thing in the world.
Demetri Martin
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Whenever I'm on my computer, I don't type 'lol'. I type 'lqtm' - laugh quietly to myself. It's more honest.
Demetri Martin
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Planning trip around the globe, that is in my room.
Demetri Martin