Quote

We do not allow dwarf tossing. If you toss a dwarf, the dwarf will be tossed right back at you, but faster.

Demetri Martin

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Demetri Martin
Age: 51
Born: 1973
Born: May 25
Comedian
Film Actor
Film Director
Film Score Composer
Screenwriter
Television Actor
Voice Actor
New York City
New York
Demetri Evan Martin
Right
Dwarf
Dwarves
Tossed
Dwarfs
Toss
Faster
Allow
Back
Tossing

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But I found that disappointing people is a good thing, because disapproval is freedom.
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My friend says touche way too much. He's a touche bag.
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I think if I pick the right thing to spend my time doing, then time moves differently, because I really can get fully immersed in things and feel very alive and challenged, but in a good way. I feel a sense of progress.
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I think there's a difference between making comedy and reporting comedy. When you're a joke teller you can easily fall into the second, you can show up and just say the jokes.
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My mind says one thing, but my body says another. Thanks a lot, Indian food and beer.
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I am a ceiling fan, especially during rain.
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I wish my name started with a comma. That would be so dramatic.
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Swimming is a confusing sport, because sometimes you do it for fun, and other times you do it to not die. And when I'm swimming, sometimes I'm not sure which one it is.
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I ordered a wake-up call the other day. The phone rang and a woman's voice said, 'What the hell are you doing with your life?'
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A refrigerator is the opposite of a drug addict, because a refrigerator starts in a box and then moves to a house.
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Fire truck with back end on fire drives really fast in circles.
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When you have a fat friend there are no see-saws, only catapults.
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Employee of the month is a good example of how somebody can be both a winner and a loser at the same time.
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I can move objects with my mind, if I use my hands.
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I love bowling almost as much as I love not bowling.
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It's funny: when people always talk about the importance of role models, I used to think that was so exaggerated, but as I get older, I start to realize I don't feel that way so much anymore. If you see somebody like you who's doing something, an older version of what you are, it does make you feel like it's more possible.
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I am everything and I am nothing. I am just kidding I am not everything and nothing. That would be ridiculous. I am just everything.
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It is impossible for a cyclops to wink.
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Artistically, I find jokes really satisfying aesthetically, because there's something great about getting an idea down to a sentence or two.
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