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I am what I eat. And I am this especially when I bite my nails.

Demetri Martin

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Demetri Martin
Age: 51
Born: 1973
Born: May 25
Comedian
Film Actor
Film Director
Film Score Composer
Screenwriter
Television Actor
Voice Actor
New York City
New York
Demetri Evan Martin
Bite
Nails
Bites
Especially

More quotes by Demetri Martin

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I think there are so many little hurdles and impediments with stand-up that you'd need to have this insane desire to do it if you didn't have something that clicked right away.
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Automatic paper towel dispensers are a solution to something that was never a problem in the first place.
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Mosquito bites Jesus, receives communion.
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One of my favorite clothing patterns is camouflage. Because when you're in the woods it makes you blend in. But when you're not it does just the opposite. It's like, 'Hey, there's an asshole.'
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My family was fine, it's just a different way of going about life. Creativity was not something that was isolated and identified and valued.
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I was a good student when I was a kid, and I did everything I was supposed to do, and I got A's.
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Batteries are the most dramatic object. Other things stop working or they break, But Batteries... They Die.
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Employee of the month is a good example of how somebody can be both a winner and a loser at the same time.
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My plumbing is all screwed up. Because it turns out, I do not own a garbage disposal.
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I was eating some candy and looked on the wrapper, and it said made from natural and artificial flavors. You could just say flavors.
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I ordered a wake-up call the other day. The phone rang and a woman's voice said, 'What the hell are you doing with your life?'
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I think, at first blush, the '60s always enticed me. There's something about the '60s, it's not hard to like it.
Demetri Martin
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When I look up at the clouds I see so many animals, mostly sheep who have lost their limbs and heads.
Demetri Martin
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The shortest feedback loop I can think of is doing improvisation in front of an audience.
Demetri Martin
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I do come across people who don't like me, don't like my comedy, don't think it's funny, it's too cutesy, or whatever they hate. And it's like, Okay. That's your opinion. Somebody liked it, so that's good. Hopefully it balances out.
Demetri Martin
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A cool tattoo design is any drawing that would also look good saggy.
Demetri Martin
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Why are there not positive mysteries? It's always who stole the diamond, or who killed the butler? How about... who made cookies, somebody cleaned my room.
Demetri Martin
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It's interesting to be an adult and to have that level of ignorance about something, because the nice part about is you get that discovery. The learning curve is so rich and steep.
Demetri Martin
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It is impossible for a cyclops to wink.
Demetri Martin
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I don't like thank you cards because I don't know what else to say. What do I put on the inside? See Front.
Demetri Martin