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I am what I eat. And I am this especially when I bite my nails.

Demetri Martin

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Demetri Martin
Age: 51
Born: 1973
Born: May 25
Comedian
Film Actor
Film Director
Film Score Composer
Screenwriter
Television Actor
Voice Actor
New York City
New York
Demetri Evan Martin
Especially
Bite
Nails
Bites

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Rock is fine. No structural damage to rock. Rock can break through paper at any point. Just say the word. Paper sucks.
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Small businesses are important, but so are tiny businesses.
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Leave no stone unturned in your quest to disrupt a rock garden.
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I just found out that I have more allies than America!
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The sofa is the enemy of productivity.
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Sometimes I use my jokes as building blocks for larger bits. I like to draw and play music, so sometimes I do those things along with the jokes.
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When I am given a multiple choice test I choose not to take it.
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When someone shows you a picture of their kids what they don't want to hear is Oh, yeah, I got pictures of your kid too.
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Turtles are greater than baby nephews, because it's ok to drop a turtle.
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I think, at first blush, the '60s always enticed me. There's something about the '60s, it's not hard to like it.
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This is a pie chart about procrastination.
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Dogs seem more photogenic than cats. In photos most cats look like sociopaths.
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The shortest distance between two idiots is a conga line.
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I am a ceiling fan, especially during rain.
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Never be less interesting than your refrigerator magnets.
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To me, comedy is a game.
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I set a personal record on Christmas. I got my shopping done three weeks ahead of time. I had all the presents back at my apartment, I was halfway through wrapping them, and I realized, 'Damn, I used the wrong wrapping paper.' The paper I used said, 'Happy Birthday.' I didn't want to waste it, so I just wrote 'Jesus' on it.
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Another thing that I like and that's fun for me is to try and talk and play music at the same time, because I feel like I'm learning something. There are these little challenges built into it it's a way to push myself a little bit more as a performer.
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Swimming is a confusing sport, because sometimes you do it for fun, and other times you do it to not die. And when I'm swimming, sometimes I'm not sure which one it is.
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A lot of things look cooler in slow motion. Eating isn't one of them.
Demetri Martin