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I am what I eat. And I am this especially when I bite my nails.

Demetri Martin

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Demetri Martin
Age: 51
Born: 1973
Born: May 25
Comedian
Film Actor
Film Director
Film Score Composer
Screenwriter
Television Actor
Voice Actor
New York City
New York
Demetri Evan Martin
Bite
Nails
Bites
Especially

More quotes by Demetri Martin

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If only loud people were even half as interesting as they think they are.
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Halloween: the day each year when strangers give you even more specific reasons to dislike them based on what they are wearing.
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I bought a cactus. A week later it died. And I got depressed, because I thought, Damn. I am less nurturing than a desert.
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I was seeing this girl and she wanted to get more serious. But I wasn't ready to, I had just gotten out of a difficult relationship before that. So I said to her, 'Listen, you have to understand something. Relationships are like eyebrows. It's better when there's a space between them.' And that's coming from a Greek guy.
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I want to get the joke to work without having to put any words or to say anything. I just want the person to look at it, and quietly in their brain, they can just put it together and say, Cool, that one works.
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I just found out that I have more allies than America!
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A know-it-all is a person who knows everything except for how annoying he is.
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My friend says touche way too much. He's a touche bag.
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Your mind is like a sponge, in the sense that it would come in handy when cleaning off a countertop or something like that.
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Whenever I'm on my computer, I don't type 'lol'. I type 'lqtm' - laugh quietly to myself. It's more honest.
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I was on the train the other day, and I heard somebody say, I'm really good at checkers. That's the same thing as saying, I'm not good at very many things.
Demetri Martin
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I like playing frisbee. It is the only sport where you can throw something at a person and it's okay.
Demetri Martin
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I like to go to concerts because I love to see my favorite band through the phone of the asshole who's standing in front of me.
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Statistics indicate that the average American is a guy named Brian who lives in Ohio.
Demetri Martin
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I still like paper books. Like, book is a flammable object. After you read it, you could use it to get warm. Or it could become a pile of napkins.
Demetri Martin
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They say that structure is freedom, and in a sense it is. When you're dealing with multiple constraints, you have to figure out what you can get out of that.
Demetri Martin
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I can move objects with my mind, if I use my hands.
Demetri Martin
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Fire truck with back end on fire drives really fast in circles.
Demetri Martin
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I was walking in the park and this guy waved at me. Then he said, 'I'm sorry, I thought you were someone else.' I said, 'I am.'
Demetri Martin
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Small businesses are important, but so are tiny businesses.
Demetri Martin