Quote

Count your blessings, but not out-loud, at the top of your lungs.

Demetri Martin

Change background

T
T
T

Change font

TAGS & TOPICS

Demetri Martin
Age: 51
Born: 1973
Born: May 25
Comedian
Film Actor
Film Director
Film Score Composer
Screenwriter
Television Actor
Voice Actor
New York City
New York
Demetri Evan Martin
Blessing
Lungs
Blessings
Count
Loud

More quotes by Demetri Martin

Image
Popcorn is one of the only situations in which you eat the result of an explosion.
Demetri Martin
Image
I am a man of my word… and that word is “unreliable.
Demetri Martin
Image
Automatic paper towel dispensers are a solution to something that was never a problem in the first place.
Demetri Martin
Image
I don't know if I'll ever be a master at anything, but I think that's a mistake for me personally. I don't know how much it's about the journey, but it's more about the process.
Demetri Martin
Image
It is impossible for a cyclops to wink.
Demetri Martin
Image
Specifically in stand-up, I love jokes. I love short, structured ideas and a punchline.
Demetri Martin
Image
Mosquito bites Jesus, receives communion.
Demetri Martin
Image
When I was a kid, I always wanted to live in California because I liked skateboarding.
Demetri Martin
Image
What I've learned about my self over the years is that I'm pretty restless. If I multitask it's probably because I have difficulty just focusing on one thing.
Demetri Martin
Image
I remember when I used to be really into nostalgia.
Demetri Martin
Image
I like shorter jokes. I like fewer words. I think the more ideas there are the, the fewer words there should be.
Demetri Martin
Image
I go the gym and I try to run on the treadmill and I listen to music but it doesn't motivate me enough. So I'm going to get a recording of a pack of wolves gaining on me. People would be like, 'Why is that guy crying on that treadmill over there?' 'I don't know, but he's been yelling, 'help' for like 20 minutes. He's getting a good workout.
Demetri Martin
Image
I set a personal record on Christmas. I got my shopping done three weeks ahead of time. I had all the presents back at my apartment, I was halfway through wrapping them, and I realized, 'Damn, I used the wrong wrapping paper.' The paper I used said, 'Happy Birthday.' I didn't want to waste it, so I just wrote 'Jesus' on it.
Demetri Martin
Image
I was seeing this girl and she wanted to get more serious. But I wasn't ready to, I had just gotten out of a difficult relationship before that. So I said to her, 'Listen, you have to understand something. Relationships are like eyebrows. It's better when there's a space between them.' And that's coming from a Greek guy.
Demetri Martin
Image
I tend to avoid televisions, politics, and places with velvet ropes.
Demetri Martin
Image
Earrings are the same as sneezes: Two is okay, but ten in a row is annoying. If you have two then, God bless you.
Demetri Martin
Image
If you want to dry hump someone you don't know, just act like they were choking.
Demetri Martin
Image
It is interesting that the black BMW is the preferred car of so many assholes.
Demetri Martin
Image
I want to get the joke to work without having to put any words or to say anything. I just want the person to look at it, and quietly in their brain, they can just put it together and say, Cool, that one works.
Demetri Martin
Image
I never went bungee jumping. The closest I did was I was born.
Demetri Martin