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I remember when I used to be really into nostalgia.

Demetri Martin

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Demetri Martin
Age: 51
Born: 1973
Born: May 25
Comedian
Film Actor
Film Director
Film Score Composer
Screenwriter
Television Actor
Voice Actor
New York City
New York
Demetri Evan Martin
Nostalgia
Remember
Used
Really

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Don't talk to strangers. Sure, unless you want to meet anyone ever.
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Automatic paper towel dispensers are a solution to something that was never a problem in the first place.
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We do not allow dwarf tossing. If you toss a dwarf, the dwarf will be tossed right back at you, but faster.
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When I am given a multiple choice test I choose not to take it.
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Stand-up is like a row boat: it's fun and romantic when you're choosing to do it. But if you have no other choice than to be in a row boat it's not as enjoyable that's survival.
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In retrospect, everything is finite, but prospectively, there are infinite possibilities. I guess that's what makes life hopeful.
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Sometimes I use my jokes as building blocks for larger bits. I like to draw and play music, so sometimes I do those things along with the jokes.
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If I were blind, I'd wear a blindfold all the time.
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A drunk driver is very dangerous. So is a drunk backseat driver if he's persuasive.
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Turtles are greater than baby nephews, because it's ok to drop a turtle.
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It's hard to know what's gay in life. Boxing. That's two men fighting over a belt.
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When there's someone who's dead and then someone does something that that person would not have liked, they say that that person is spinning in their grave. But I don't understand why they say that. Why is spinning the way that a corpse shows disapproval?
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I go the gym and I try to run on the treadmill and I listen to music but it doesn't motivate me enough. So I'm going to get a recording of a pack of wolves gaining on me. People would be like, 'Why is that guy crying on that treadmill over there?' 'I don't know, but he's been yelling, 'help' for like 20 minutes. He's getting a good workout.
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The shortest feedback loop I can think of is doing improvisation in front of an audience.
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People only mention it's a free country if they're doing something shitty.
Demetri Martin
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I think my favorite sound is the sound of someone not playing the bongos.
Demetri Martin
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It's interesting to be an adult and to have that level of ignorance about something, because the nice part about is you get that discovery. The learning curve is so rich and steep.
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I can tell how lonely I am by how easily I'm fooled by a mannequin in a store.
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A cool tattoo design is any drawing that would also look good saggy.
Demetri Martin
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The difference between a child's toy and an adult toy is: location, location, location.
Demetri Martin