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The clothes make the man. The children working in sweatshops make the clothes. Therefore, the children working in sweatshops make the man.
Demetri Martin
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Demetri Martin
Age: 51
Born: 1973
Born: May 25
Comedian
Film Actor
Film Director
Film Score Composer
Screenwriter
Television Actor
Voice Actor
New York City
New York
Demetri Evan Martin
Men
Sweatshops
Therefore
Clothes
Working
Children
Make
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There's a very fine line between giving someone the Heimlich maneuver and dry-humping a stranger.
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How to be a bouncer: be an asshole stand near a door.
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Count your blessings, but not out-loud, at the top of your lungs.
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When telling a story about how wasted you were last night, stop.
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I never set out to do a sketch show.
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One of the most difficult and ironic murder weapons is the life jacket.
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I like stand-up. But I'd also like a family and house and a yard. I want to work with a lot of people, have colleagues and on good film sets, there's people there that work with the same people for years and years. I love that collaborative spirit in that medium. Comedy is a lot more solitary.
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The easiest time to add insult to injury is when you're signing somebody's cast.
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Man is the most powerful creature on the planet. And we're arrogant. I mean, people own birds. It's like, there's a creature with the gift of flight. I want it. I'm going to put it in my kitchen and make it crap on old information.
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I used to play sports. Then I realized you can buy trophies. Now I am good at everything.
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I have fun acting, and I want to do more of it, and I want to direct my own movie.
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I like birthdays because we celebrate life with cakes. It's so cool. Sometimes when I see a baby, I'm like that much more cake in the world. But then when someone dies, I'm like the cake streak is over.
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A sports bar is a way to take a bar and fill it with even more annoying people than usual.
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I think, at first blush, the '60s always enticed me. There's something about the '60s, it's not hard to like it.
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I learned this summer that peeing in the pool and peeing INTO the pool are very different things. Location, Location, Location.
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To remove blood stains from your conscience try frozen margaritas.
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I never went bungee jumping. The closest I did was I was born.
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I saw a sign that said, 'Watch for children.' I was like, 'That sounds like a fair trade - especially if they're crappy kids.'
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I do come across people who don't like me, don't like my comedy, don't think it's funny, it's too cutesy, or whatever they hate. And it's like, Okay. That's your opinion. Somebody liked it, so that's good. Hopefully it balances out.
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I still like paper books. Like, book is a flammable object. After you read it, you could use it to get warm. Or it could become a pile of napkins.
Demetri Martin