Quote

Whenever I throw caution to the wind I make sure I'm facing the right way so that it doesn't blow back and hit me in my face.

Demetri Martin

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Demetri Martin
Age: 51
Born: 1973
Born: May 25
Comedian
Film Actor
Film Director
Film Score Composer
Screenwriter
Television Actor
Voice Actor
New York City
New York
Demetri Evan Martin
Doesn
Facing
Back
Throw
Right
Whenever
Way
Blow
Make
Wind
Sure
Face
Faces
Caution

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When I first heard the term 'training bra,' I was freaked out. I was pretty young and I said, 'Did you just say training bra? They're training their chests? I had no idea.' See some lady, her boobs are everywhere. 'What's her deal?' Those are untrained titties.
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Popcorn is one of the only situations in which you eat the result of an explosion.
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When someone describes themself as a taxpayer, they're about to be an asshole.
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I like when people wear a WWJD bracelet, because it's like an example of the first thing Jesus wouldn't do, probably.
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When I look up at the clouds I see so many animals, mostly sheep who have lost their limbs and heads.
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Do you have any Greek in you? That was just a tactful way of asking if you're pregnant. If you're not, then let's break up.
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I find that a shirt is most similar to a napkin when I don't have a napkin.
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Surprise parties are strange 'cause people jump up and they yell the word, 'surprise' at the party. I came home and you emerged from my furniture. You don't have to tell me how to feel. I don't need a hint.
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The shortest feedback loop I can think of is doing improvisation in front of an audience.
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If you stretched the average person's intestines out from end to end, it would make them scream a lot.
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What's this about rice milk? I didn't even know rice had nipples!
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How fast does a zebra have to run before it looks gray.
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I think it's cool when an ex-girlfriend becomes an XL girlfriend.
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I love motor learning because it's very basic and primal. A lot of what I like to learn correlates with the opposite of what gets you laid. I can ride a unicycle and I can juggle. These are unimpressive things to know.
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Easy way to make someone sound less powerful, just put DJ in front of their name... ..DJ Abraham Lincoln
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I wrapped my Christmas presents early this year, but I used the wrong paper. See, the paper I used said 'Happy Birthday' on it. I didn't want to waste it so I just wrote 'Jesus' on it.
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I'm a producer on my show, which is great, but it's also kind of a mixed blessing because there's so much responsibility. Everything is a decision. You have to worry about the money, you have to worry about daylight, who we're going to cast and if this location doesn't work out, what are we going to do?
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Separate but equal is terrible for education but it's perfect for eyebrows.
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I bought a new pair of pajamas with pockets, which is great, cause now i don't have to hold things when I sleep.
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At any minute, I am four minutes from a poncho.
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