Quote

Whenever I throw caution to the wind I make sure I'm facing the right way so that it doesn't blow back and hit me in my face.

Demetri Martin

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Demetri Martin
Age: 51
Born: 1973
Born: May 25
Comedian
Film Actor
Film Director
Film Score Composer
Screenwriter
Television Actor
Voice Actor
New York City
New York
Demetri Evan Martin
Make
Wind
Sure
Face
Faces
Caution
Doesn
Facing
Back
Throw
Right
Whenever
Way
Blow

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My policy is 'No stone throwing regardless of housing situation.'
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It is a little ironic that one thing a babysitter should not do is sit on a baby.
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Don't talk to strangers. Sure, unless you want to meet anyone ever.
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I love bowling almost as much as I love not bowling.
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What's this about rice milk? I didn't even know rice had nipples!
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But I found that disappointing people is a good thing, because disapproval is freedom.
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I just found out that I have more allies than America!
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I wonder what the most intelligent thing ever said was that started with the word 'dude.' 'Dude, these are isotopes.' 'Dude, we removed your kidney. You're gonna be fine.' 'Dude, I am so stoked to win this Nobel Prize. I just wanna thank Kevin, and Turtle, and all my homies.'
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Your mind is like a sponge, in the sense that it would come in handy when cleaning off a countertop or something like that.
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Why are there not positive mysteries? It's always who stole the diamond, or who killed the butler? How about... who made cookies, somebody cleaned my room.
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The shortest distance between two idiots is a conga line.
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I don't like thank you cards because I don't know what else to say. What do I put on the inside? See Front.
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A couple weeks ago I was on the street and I saw an ugly pregnant lady, and I just thought, 'Good for you.'
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I was walking in the park and this guy waved at me. Then he said, 'I'm sorry, I thought you were someone else.' I said, 'I am.'
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I have an erratic drummer for anybody who's just listening to this, he can keep time, but just in spurts.
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I like when people wear a WWJD bracelet, because it's like an example of the first thing Jesus wouldn't do, probably.
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A human head looks the least scary when it is attached.
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I just started doing this one-man show, and I wanted to be able to score it, so I bought a guitar, and got a keyboard and got a harmonica. I remember when I started that I didn't understand why a harmonica had different letters on them.
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I wasn't the class clown, but I was starting to become the crazy guy at law school, which is the guy who is not so much crazy as annoying.
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I was making pancakes the other day and a fly flew into the kitchen. And that's when I realized that a spatula is a lot like a fly-swatter. And a crushed fly is a lot like a blueberry. And a roommate is a lot like a fly eater.
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