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I can always tell how stupid someone is by how certain they are about what they're saying.
Demetri Martin
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Demetri Martin
Age: 51
Born: 1973
Born: May 25
Comedian
Film Actor
Film Director
Film Score Composer
Screenwriter
Television Actor
Voice Actor
New York City
New York
Demetri Evan Martin
Tell
Someone
Certain
Always
Stupid
Saying
More quotes by Demetri Martin
I like stand-up. But I'd also like a family and house and a yard. I want to work with a lot of people, have colleagues and on good film sets, there's people there that work with the same people for years and years. I love that collaborative spirit in that medium. Comedy is a lot more solitary.
Demetri Martin
I want to commit a crime during a reenactment, and turn it into an enactment.
Demetri Martin
I wanna see a snake eat spaghetti.
Demetri Martin
I'm so secretive that when someone asks me, Hey, can you keep a secret? I say That's none of your business.
Demetri Martin
I wasn't even a big comedy nerd. A lot of the comedians I know - a lot of my friends are comedians - they knew a lot about comedy growing up.
Demetri Martin
I was student council president in high school, and even in law school, I was vice-president of the student bar association.
Demetri Martin
I do come across people who don't like me, don't like my comedy, don't think it's funny, it's too cutesy, or whatever they hate. And it's like, Okay. That's your opinion. Somebody liked it, so that's good. Hopefully it balances out.
Demetri Martin
I was eating some candy and looked on the wrapper, and it said made from natural and artificial flavors. You could just say flavors.
Demetri Martin
If you remove a treehouse from a tree, than it's just a shitty house. Sometimes when i'm in a shitty house, I like to imagine that it's in a tree, than it's like Woah, this house is amazing.
Demetri Martin
My friend has hand soap that smells like coconut. It's nice. Unless your hands are dirty from coconuts.
Demetri Martin
I don't know if I'll ever be a master at anything, but I think that's a mistake for me personally. I don't know how much it's about the journey, but it's more about the process.
Demetri Martin
If I were blind, I'd wear a blindfold all the time.
Demetri Martin
One thing you never hear is Man that guy is good at badminton.
Demetri Martin
I'm a producer on my show, which is great, but it's also kind of a mixed blessing because there's so much responsibility. Everything is a decision. You have to worry about the money, you have to worry about daylight, who we're going to cast and if this location doesn't work out, what are we going to do?
Demetri Martin
A lot of things look cooler in slow motion. Eating isn't one of them.
Demetri Martin
It feels like every day or two, people on Twitter and the Internet are outraged about something.
Demetri Martin
Glitter is the herpes of craft supplies.
Demetri Martin
I am what I eat. And I am this especially when I bite my nails.
Demetri Martin
To look like you are a real sports fan, when there is a game on TV just yell, Oh, come on! every now and then at the TV.
Demetri Martin
Overheard today in restaurant: Can you stop listening to our conversation?
Demetri Martin
