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I can always tell how stupid someone is by how certain they are about what they're saying.

Demetri Martin

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Demetri Martin
Age: 51
Born: 1973
Born: May 25
Comedian
Film Actor
Film Director
Film Score Composer
Screenwriter
Television Actor
Voice Actor
New York City
New York
Demetri Evan Martin
Stupid
Saying
Tell
Someone
Certain
Always

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Never forget where you came from. That's what I think when I walk into a cave.
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Turtles are greater than baby nephews, because it's ok to drop a turtle.
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What I've learned about my self over the years is that I'm pretty restless. If I multitask it's probably because I have difficulty just focusing on one thing.
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I care about politics, but I have a tough time making comedy out of it. I was so happy to have a chance to be on The Daily Show, and I think Jon Stewart's so funny... but mostly in my own comedy, I care about less relevant things.
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Planning trip around the globe, that is in my room.
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I like digital cameras, because they enable you to reminisce immediately.
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When I am holding a water balloon, so many things look so unnecessarily dry.
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I think, at first blush, the '60s always enticed me. There's something about the '60s, it's not hard to like it.
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Checkers taught me that a King is a man with another man on top of him. But life taught me that that's actually called a Queen.
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My friend named his car. And I don't want to be judgemental, but... what a dork.
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I think a lot of people who watch TV don't realize when they're watch TV shows and it says 'produced by' and producer, producer... there are all these producers. What the hell does a producer do? It's funny how much you have to worry about as a producer.
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When there's someone who's dead and then someone does something that that person would not have liked, they say that that person is spinning in their grave. But I don't understand why they say that. Why is spinning the way that a corpse shows disapproval?
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When watering your plants, try to talk to them - say something like, Hold it right there and then shoot them with water gun.
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It's always helpful to remember that in the grand scheme of things you are much more important than... um, wait, than... something, maybe.
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As a comic, I think I'm very verbally oriented about a lot of the stuff that I've written or thought up and how I say it.
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When you have a fat friend there are no see-saws, only catapults.
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Fire truck with back end on fire drives really fast in circles.
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How many of you are creative? I don't know, but for me, when you make a bunch of things over time and then you keep them... you forget. I look through my sketchbooks and I'm an audience for myself.
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Popcorn is one of the only situations in which you eat the result of an explosion.
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Whenever I throw caution to the wind I make sure I'm facing the right way so that it doesn't blow back and hit me in my face.
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