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I wish I lived next to Carnegie Hall. Then, if someone asked me how to get to my house, I would just say 'Practice, practice, practice, and then take a left.'
Demetri Martin
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Demetri Martin
Age: 51
Born: 1973
Born: May 25
Comedian
Film Actor
Film Director
Film Score Composer
Screenwriter
Television Actor
Voice Actor
New York City
New York
Demetri Evan Martin
Left
Carnegie
Next
Hall
Halls
Someone
Lived
Take
Asked
Would
Practice
Wish
House
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Canoe plus waterfall equals I don't go camping anymore.
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I wanna see a snake eat spaghetti.
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If only loud people were even half as interesting as they think they are.
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Timing is everything. That's a cliche. Now. If I'd said that a long time ago, I'd have been original.
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One thing you never hear is Man that guy is good at badminton.
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99.99% of all castles in America are located in fish tanks.
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When there's someone who's dead and then someone does something that that person would not have liked, they say that that person is spinning in their grave. But I don't understand why they say that. Why is spinning the way that a corpse shows disapproval?
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Americans who do not celebrate Independence Day: pets.
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Brought to you by raising your voice. The next best thing to being right.
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I went into a clothing store, and the lady asked me what size I was. I said, 'Actual'. I'm not to scale.
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I'm a body builder, but I don't use weights. I use snacks. It's kind of a different building process.
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How many of you are creative? I don't know, but for me, when you make a bunch of things over time and then you keep them... you forget. I look through my sketchbooks and I'm an audience for myself.
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I'm a producer on my show, which is great, but it's also kind of a mixed blessing because there's so much responsibility. Everything is a decision. You have to worry about the money, you have to worry about daylight, who we're going to cast and if this location doesn't work out, what are we going to do?
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I wanna buy a bunch of hermit crabs and make them live together.
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The chances of someone who looks like Jesus having pot raises steadily, to a point. If the guy is on a cross you may have the wrong guy.
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I think if I pick the right thing to spend my time doing, then time moves differently, because I really can get fully immersed in things and feel very alive and challenged, but in a good way. I feel a sense of progress.
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My policy is 'No stone throwing regardless of housing situation.'
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Sometimes I feel like I'm being watched, but then I remember that my show was canceled three years ago.
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I have fun acting, and I want to do more of it, and I want to direct my own movie.
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Small businesses are important, but so are tiny businesses.
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