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I wish I lived next to Carnegie Hall. Then, if someone asked me how to get to my house, I would just say 'Practice, practice, practice, and then take a left.'
Demetri Martin
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Demetri Martin
Age: 51
Born: 1973
Born: May 25
Comedian
Film Actor
Film Director
Film Score Composer
Screenwriter
Television Actor
Voice Actor
New York City
New York
Demetri Evan Martin
Wish
House
Left
Carnegie
Hall
Next
Halls
Someone
Lived
Take
Asked
Would
Practice
More quotes by Demetri Martin
I was student council president in high school, and even in law school, I was vice-president of the student bar association.
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Usually, I walk around and think about things. When I come across a thought that makes me laugh, I write it down.
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I think it would be worse to get mauled by a dancing bear than just a regular bear because you can't totally blame the dancing bear.
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I don't know if I'll ever be a master at anything, but I think that's a mistake for me personally. I don't know how much it's about the journey, but it's more about the process.
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When you have a fat friend there are no see-saws, only catapults.
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If I ever saw an amputee getting hanged, I'd probably just start calling out letters.
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In retrospect, everything is finite, but prospectively, there are infinite possibilities. I guess that's what makes life hopeful.
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If I make my window ten days for stand-up, the conclusion is that I failed and that I'm not good at stand-up. If I make it ten years - if I just wait - the conclusion might be something totally different. I think it's so cool to do things in which you discover the malleability of your own mind.
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My plumbing is all screwed up. Because it turns out, I do not own a garbage disposal.
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Another thing that I like and that's fun for me is to try and talk and play music at the same time, because I feel like I'm learning something. There are these little challenges built into it it's a way to push myself a little bit more as a performer.
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When someone describes themself as a taxpayer, they're about to be an asshole.
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I remember when I used to be really into nostalgia.
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When I was a kid, I always wanted to live in California because I liked skateboarding.
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I've never read an article of clothing.
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It is impossible for a cyclops to wink.
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I want to get the joke to work without having to put any words or to say anything. I just want the person to look at it, and quietly in their brain, they can just put it together and say, Cool, that one works.
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Employee of the month is a good example of how somebody can be both a winner and a loser at the same time.
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Small businesses are important, but so are tiny businesses.
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One time I saw an old man in a hurry and I thought, 'That makes sense.'
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I like playing frisbee. It is the only sport where you can throw something at a person and it's okay.
Demetri Martin
