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A refrigerator is the opposite of a drug addict, because a refrigerator starts in a box and then moves to a house.
Demetri Martin
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Demetri Martin
Age: 51
Born: 1973
Born: May 25
Comedian
Film Actor
Film Director
Film Score Composer
Screenwriter
Television Actor
Voice Actor
New York City
New York
Demetri Evan Martin
Refrigerators
Drug
Addict
Moving
Addiction
House
Moves
Starts
Boxes
Opposite
Refrigerator
Opposites
More quotes by Demetri Martin
I'm not a lawmaker, but I was thinking that if you have a really loud ring tone, maybe you should be stabbed in the ear?
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Sometimes I feel like I'm being watched, but then I remember that my show was canceled three years ago.
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The shortest distance between two idiots is a conga line.
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I never set out to do a sketch show.
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A know-it-all is a person who knows everything except for how annoying he is.
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The best way to make somebody feel important is to try to assassinate them.
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The bird, the bee, the running child are all the same to the sliding glass door.
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For me and most of my friends who are comedians, if you've been doing comedy for a while, your tolerance for things actually moves. I find it very hard to be shocked, and when other people aggressively take offense to something, I'm sometimes confused.
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It's very easy to turn a toy into an adult toy: Location, location, location.
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When I am at rodeo I find it difficult not to root for the animals.
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Socrates became a trendsetter. Other philosophers, including Plato and Aristotle and Gus, quickly followed suit, dropping their last names too. And, for centuries after that there would be countless imitators including oltaire, Michelangelo, and, much later, Cher.
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I think if I pick the right thing to spend my time doing, then time moves differently, because I really can get fully immersed in things and feel very alive and challenged, but in a good way. I feel a sense of progress.
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When I first heard the term 'training bra,' I was freaked out. I was pretty young and I said, 'Did you just say training bra? They're training their chests? I had no idea.' See some lady, her boobs are everywhere. 'What's her deal?' Those are untrained titties.
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I used to get bummed out when it rained then I realized that it's God's way of washing off hippies.
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The boomerang is Australia's chief export (and then import).
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I'm a body builder, but I don't use weights. I use snacks. It's kind of a different building process.
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REGARDING THE MARCHING BAND: How much more interesting it would be to see a creeping band.
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I believe in empathy. When religion provides that for people, it's the best thing in the world.
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Separate but equal is terrible for education but it's perfect for eyebrows.
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Whenever I'm on my computer, I don't type 'lol'. I type 'lqtm' - laugh quietly to myself. It's more honest.
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