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A refrigerator is the opposite of a drug addict, because a refrigerator starts in a box and then moves to a house.
Demetri Martin
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Demetri Martin
Age: 51
Born: 1973
Born: May 25
Comedian
Film Actor
Film Director
Film Score Composer
Screenwriter
Television Actor
Voice Actor
New York City
New York
Demetri Evan Martin
Opposite
Opposites
Refrigerator
Drug
Refrigerators
Moving
Addict
House
Addiction
Moves
Starts
Boxes
More quotes by Demetri Martin
I want to make a revolving door that says 'Pull' on it, just see how obedient people are.
Demetri Martin
I've never read an article of clothing.
Demetri Martin
Stand up is really fun because if I think of a joke or a funny idea, then I can just go and tell some people and if they laugh, they laugh right away.
Demetri Martin
I have fun acting, and I want to do more of it, and I want to direct my own movie.
Demetri Martin
When people show me pictures of their kids, it's okay. But when I give them a picture of me, to show to their kids, I'm weird. What kind of one way street is that?
Demetri Martin
Your mind is like a sponge, in the sense that it would come in handy when cleaning off a countertop or something like that.
Demetri Martin
I got some new pajamas with pockets in 'em. Which is great, because before that, I used to have to hold stuff when I slept. But now I'm like, 'Where's my planner? There it is. Keep sleeping. All right, perfect.'
Demetri Martin
I don't think I ever wrote a song. I can write a lot of jokes, but when I try to write lyrics they're the most direct, non-figurative words, like, 'I like you, I like you,'... and that's it, for the whole song. People would go, 'Ooh, this guy's Dylan or something.' It gives me a lot more respect for songwriters, actually.
Demetri Martin
I wanna see a snake eat spaghetti.
Demetri Martin
If you stretched the average person's intestines out from end to end, it would make them scream a lot.
Demetri Martin
It is interesting that the black BMW is the preferred car of so many assholes.
Demetri Martin
The best way to make somebody feel important is to try to assassinate them.
Demetri Martin
When I am given a multiple choice test I choose not to take it.
Demetri Martin
How fast does a zebra have to run before it looks gray.
Demetri Martin
Leave no stone unturned in your quest to disrupt a rock garden.
Demetri Martin
A Wednesday with no rain is a dry hump day.
Demetri Martin
I don't know if I'll ever be a master at anything, but I think that's a mistake for me personally. I don't know how much it's about the journey, but it's more about the process.
Demetri Martin
To get strangers to hate you even faster, crank up the volume on that very interesting ringtone of yours.
Demetri Martin
I like birthdays because we celebrate life with cakes. It's so cool. Sometimes when I see a baby, I'm like that much more cake in the world. But then when someone dies, I'm like the cake streak is over.
Demetri Martin
We do not allow dwarf tossing. If you toss a dwarf, the dwarf will be tossed right back at you, but faster.
Demetri Martin
