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A refrigerator is the opposite of a drug addict, because a refrigerator starts in a box and then moves to a house.
Demetri Martin
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Demetri Martin
Age: 51
Born: 1973
Born: May 25
Comedian
Film Actor
Film Director
Film Score Composer
Screenwriter
Television Actor
Voice Actor
New York City
New York
Demetri Evan Martin
Starts
Boxes
Opposite
Opposites
Refrigerator
Drug
Refrigerators
Moving
Addict
House
Addiction
Moves
More quotes by Demetri Martin
How to be a bouncer: be an asshole stand near a door.
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Glitter is the herpes of craft supplies.
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My plumbing is all screwed up. Because it turns out, I do not own a garbage disposal.
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I am everything and I am nothing. I am just kidding I am not everything and nothing. That would be ridiculous. I am just everything.
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It is a little ironic that one thing a babysitter should not do is sit on a baby.
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I just started doing this one-man show, and I wanted to be able to score it, so I bought a guitar, and got a keyboard and got a harmonica. I remember when I started that I didn't understand why a harmonica had different letters on them.
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I think my favorite sound is the sound of someone not playing the bongos.
Demetri Martin
Cotton candy is the perfect snack for when I'm in the mood to eat dry, scratchy fabric.
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If only loud people were even half as interesting as they think they are.
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The key to life is balance, especially if you are on a ledge.
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As a comic, I think I'm very verbally oriented about a lot of the stuff that I've written or thought up and how I say it.
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Man is the most powerful creature on the planet. And we're arrogant. I mean, people own birds. It's like, there's a creature with the gift of flight. I want it. I'm going to put it in my kitchen and make it crap on old information.
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When I first heard the term 'training bra,' I was freaked out. I was pretty young and I said, 'Did you just say training bra? They're training their chests? I had no idea.' See some lady, her boobs are everywhere. 'What's her deal?' Those are untrained titties.
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A jerk on a motorcycle is equal to a leaf, because I find it beautiful when these things fall.
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I think a lot of people who watch TV don't realize when they're watch TV shows and it says 'produced by' and producer, producer... there are all these producers. What the hell does a producer do? It's funny how much you have to worry about as a producer.
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I like when people wear a WWJD bracelet, because it's like an example of the first thing Jesus wouldn't do, probably.
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Turtles are greater than baby nephews, because it's ok to drop a turtle.
Demetri Martin
Vampire fad just won't die. Makes sense, I guess.
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I believe in empathy. When religion provides that for people, it's the best thing in the world.
Demetri Martin
The easiest time to add insult to injury is when you're signing somebody's cast.
Demetri Martin
