Quote

A refrigerator is the opposite of a drug addict, because a refrigerator starts in a box and then moves to a house.

Demetri Martin

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Demetri Martin
Age: 51
Born: 1973
Born: May 25
Comedian
Film Actor
Film Director
Film Score Composer
Screenwriter
Television Actor
Voice Actor
New York City
New York
Demetri Evan Martin
Opposites
Refrigerator
Drug
Refrigerators
Moving
Addict
House
Addiction
Moves
Starts
Boxes
Opposite

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As soon as I jumped out of the airplane, I realized I had forgotten my parachute. Thank God we were still on the runway.
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I got into stand up just to do stand up because I love stand up.
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Employee of the month is a good example of how somebody can be both a winner and a loser at the same time.
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When telling a story about how wasted you were last night, stop.
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I just listen to so much music that I like the role music can play in scoring something. I'm not doing song parodies or funny songs, I'm just adding some music to my words. So it's limited and specific, but as a performer I find it pretty enjoyable.
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I like to go to concerts because I love to see my favorite band through the phone of the asshole who's standing in front of me.
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I think it would be worse to get mauled by a dancing bear than just a regular bear because you can't totally blame the dancing bear.
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You are ten times more likely to get hit by a car when the driver is aiming for you.
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If I have to move up in a building, I choose the elevator over the escalator. Because one time I was riding the escalator and I tripped. I fell down the stairs for an hour and a half.
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I got myself a really nice nib pen, with like 15 kinds of India Ink, and tons of different nibs I think I was just procrastinating, like, once I have the right nib, the book is just going to jump right out of my fingertips... but then it just ended up looking like the shitty drawings that I usually do.
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I wonder if, as a society, we will ever be able to call someone a jive tofurkey.
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And as far as actors go, Peter Sellers is my all-time favorite.
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I think, at first blush, the '60s always enticed me. There's something about the '60s, it's not hard to like it.
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I used to get bummed out when it rained then I realized that it's God's way of washing off hippies.
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I never went bungee jumping. The closest I did was I was born.
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The sofa is the enemy of productivity.
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I saw a sign that said, 'Watch for children.' I was like, 'That sounds like a fair trade - especially if they're crappy kids.'
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When I trip, I feel like that's the world saying come here for a second. It just pulls me closer for a second, yeah what do you want? I just want to remind you that you're uncoordinated. I'm aware of that, thank you... can I go now? Yeah, you can go, but never ever try to outrun me. Ok, world, see you later. Yeah, I'll see you in about 50 years.
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A cool tattoo design is any drawing that would also look good saggy.
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Whenever I'm on my computer, I don't type 'lol'. I type 'lqtm' - laugh quietly to myself. It's more honest.
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