Quote

A refrigerator is the opposite of a drug addict, because a refrigerator starts in a box and then moves to a house.

Demetri Martin

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Demetri Martin
Age: 51
Born: 1973
Born: May 25
Comedian
Film Actor
Film Director
Film Score Composer
Screenwriter
Television Actor
Voice Actor
New York City
New York
Demetri Evan Martin
Opposite
Opposites
Refrigerator
Refrigerators
Drug
Addict
Moving
Addiction
House
Moves
Starts
Boxes

More quotes by Demetri Martin

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I set a personal record on Christmas. I got my shopping done three weeks ahead of time. I had all the presents back at my apartment, I was halfway through wrapping them, and I realized, 'Damn, I used the wrong wrapping paper.' The paper I used said, 'Happy Birthday.' I didn't want to waste it, so I just wrote 'Jesus' on it.
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There's a store in my neighborhood called Futon World. I like that name, 'Futon World.' Makes me think of a magical place that gets less and less comfortable over time.
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There's an old Russian saying that goes some way or another. I don't know it. I don't speak Russian. But sometimes I think about it and wonder if it's relevant to what I'm going through at the time. Probably not. I mean what do Russian know about hunger, anyway?
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Sometimes it looks like I'm dancing, but it's just that I walked into a spider web.
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I think there are so many little hurdles and impediments with stand-up that you'd need to have this insane desire to do it if you didn't have something that clicked right away.
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My plumbing is all screwed up. Because it turns out, I do not own a garbage disposal.
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Checkers taught me that a King is a man with another man on top of him. But life taught me that that's actually called a Queen.
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I just found out that I have more allies than America!
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It's very easy to turn a toy into an adult toy: Location, location, location.
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This is a pie chart about procrastination.
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Whenever I throw caution to the wind I make sure I'm facing the right way so that it doesn't blow back and hit me in my face.
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Employee of the month is a good example of how somebody can be both a winner and a loser at the same time.
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You are ten times more likely to get hit by a car when the driver is aiming for you.
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You can say 'Thanks,' and you can say 'Thanks a Million' - but any number in between?
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When someone shows you a picture of their kids what they don't want to hear is Oh, yeah, I got pictures of your kid too.
Demetri Martin
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I'm a producer on my show, which is great, but it's also kind of a mixed blessing because there's so much responsibility. Everything is a decision. You have to worry about the money, you have to worry about daylight, who we're going to cast and if this location doesn't work out, what are we going to do?
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Whenever I investigate a smell, I find that the answer is always bad. It's never: 'What is that? *sniff* muffins!'
Demetri Martin
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Yes, okay, it's cool to be quirky, maybe, on the side. Do some puzzles, make puzzles, whatever, learn how to ride a unicycle. That's cool when it's on the side and you have a plan. What happens when you remove the plan? What you're left with is a guy who likes to do anagrams. And doesn't have a job... Sweet, that's a catch.
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I have an erratic drummer for anybody who's just listening to this, he can keep time, but just in spurts.
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When there's someone who's dead and then someone does something that that person would not have liked, they say that that person is spinning in their grave. But I don't understand why they say that. Why is spinning the way that a corpse shows disapproval?
Demetri Martin