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If only loud people were even half as interesting as they think they are.

Demetri Martin

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Demetri Martin
Age: 51
Born: 1973
Born: May 25
Comedian
Film Actor
Film Director
Film Score Composer
Screenwriter
Television Actor
Voice Actor
New York City
New York
Demetri Evan Martin
People
Loud
Interesting
Half
Even
Think
Thinking

More quotes by Demetri Martin

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Halloween's my favorite holiday because you don't have to spend it with your family.
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It's always helpful to remember that in the grand scheme of things you are much more important than... um, wait, than... something, maybe.
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I live in New York and there are a lot of famous... pizzerias in my neighborhood, it's really hard to find one that isn't famous. Which sucks sometimes, you know what I mean, sometimes I don't want all that glitz and glamour, I just want something delicious, you know? I don't need a celebrity in my mouth, Ray's Up And Coming Pizza would be fine.
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I never set out to do a sketch show.
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I was making pancakes the other day and a fly flew into the kitchen. And that's when I realized that a spatula is a lot like a fly-swatter. And a crushed fly is a lot like a blueberry. And a roommate is a lot like a fly eater.
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It seems that man's greatest natural enemy is the target.
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Separate but equal is terrible for education but it's perfect for eyebrows.
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I got into stand up just to do stand up because I love stand up.
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My family was fine, it's just a different way of going about life. Creativity was not something that was isolated and identified and valued.
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Cotton candy is the perfect snack for when I'm in the mood to eat dry, scratchy fabric.
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When watering your plants, try to talk to them - say something like, Hold it right there and then shoot them with water gun.
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You mock those who blindly follow the majority...turn your attention now to those who are so dedicated to deviating from the norm that they would gladly cease breathing if it were suggested to them that inhalation was a form of conformity for they deserve just as much scrutiny and ridicule.
Demetri Martin
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What I've learned about my self over the years is that I'm pretty restless. If I multitask it's probably because I have difficulty just focusing on one thing.
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Vampire fad just won't die. Makes sense, I guess.
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I can move objects with my mind, if I use my hands.
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I wanna design a video game where you'd have to take care of all the people shot in all the other video games.
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You get really disillusioned, because you thought you were in love. But you realize that you're just alone.
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I wrapped my Christmas presents early this year, but I used the wrong paper. See, the paper I used said 'Happy Birthday' on it. I didn't want to waste it so I just wrote 'Jesus' on it.
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I went into a clothing store, and the lady asked me what size I was. I said, 'Actual'. I'm not to scale.
Demetri Martin
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But I found that disappointing people is a good thing, because disapproval is freedom.
Demetri Martin