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If only loud people were even half as interesting as they think they are.
Demetri Martin
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Demetri Martin
Age: 51
Born: 1973
Born: May 25
Comedian
Film Actor
Film Director
Film Score Composer
Screenwriter
Television Actor
Voice Actor
New York City
New York
Demetri Evan Martin
Even
Think
Thinking
People
Loud
Interesting
Half
More quotes by Demetri Martin
Fire truck with back end on fire drives really fast in circles.
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I never went bungee jumping. The closest I did was I was born.
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It seems that man's greatest natural enemy is the target.
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There's an old Russian saying that goes some way or another. I don't know it. I don't speak Russian. But sometimes I think about it and wonder if it's relevant to what I'm going through at the time. Probably not. I mean what do Russian know about hunger, anyway?
Demetri Martin
To some I am known as Chief. And these are usually people who work in Radio Shack or try to sell me shoes. To others I am known as Buddy. These are people who dwell in bars and wonder if I’ve got a problem or what it is that I am “looking at.” And to still others, who are in that same bar, standing just off to the side, I am “Get Him!
Demetri Martin
One thing you never hear is Man that guy is good at badminton.
Demetri Martin
I wanna put stickers on turtles... I don't know why.
Demetri Martin
I set a personal record on Christmas. I got my shopping done three weeks ahead of time. I had all the presents back at my apartment, I was halfway through wrapping them, and I realized, 'Damn, I used the wrong wrapping paper.' The paper I used said, 'Happy Birthday.' I didn't want to waste it, so I just wrote 'Jesus' on it.
Demetri Martin
The best way to make somebody feel important is to try to assassinate them.
Demetri Martin
Another thing that I like and that's fun for me is to try and talk and play music at the same time, because I feel like I'm learning something. There are these little challenges built into it it's a way to push myself a little bit more as a performer.
Demetri Martin
The difference between a child's toy and an adult toy is: location, location, location.
Demetri Martin
Popcorn is one of the only situations in which you eat the result of an explosion.
Demetri Martin
To get strangers to hate you even faster, crank up the volume on that very interesting ringtone of yours.
Demetri Martin
The key to life is balance, especially if you are on a ledge.
Demetri Martin
Easy way to make someone sound less powerful, just put DJ in front of their name... ..DJ Abraham Lincoln
Demetri Martin
I'm always excited to try something I haven't done.
Demetri Martin
Coffee is like a bra. 3 cups is one too many.
Demetri Martin
Never be less interesting than your refrigerator magnets.
Demetri Martin
A human head looks the least scary when it is attached.
Demetri Martin
When people show me pictures of their kids, it's okay. But when I give them a picture of me, to show to their kids, I'm weird. What kind of one way street is that?
Demetri Martin
