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I want to launch a globe into space just to mess with the astronauts.
Demetri Martin
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Demetri Martin
Age: 51
Born: 1973
Born: May 25
Comedian
Film Actor
Film Director
Film Score Composer
Screenwriter
Television Actor
Voice Actor
New York City
New York
Demetri Evan Martin
Astronauts
Launch
Astronaut
Globe
Globes
Mess
Space
More quotes by Demetri Martin
Sometimes I feel like I'm being watched, but then I remember that my show was canceled three years ago.
Demetri Martin
I think it would be worse to get mauled by a dancing bear than just a regular bear because you can't totally blame the dancing bear.
Demetri Martin
It is a little ironic that one thing a babysitter should not do is sit on a baby.
Demetri Martin
Never be less interesting than your refrigerator magnets.
Demetri Martin
At any minute, I am four minutes from a poncho.
Demetri Martin
Sometimes it looks like I'm dancing, but it's just that I walked into a spider web.
Demetri Martin
If I think of a joke that's really dirty and I think it's funny I'll try it but what I've found over the years is they just don't laugh. It doesn't work coming out of my mouth so it's like they taught me 'don't do that. Don't go that way or you'll lose me.'
Demetri Martin
I was seeing this girl and she wanted to get more serious. But I wasn't ready to, I had just gotten out of a difficult relationship before that. So I said to her, 'Listen, you have to understand something. Relationships are like eyebrows. It's better when there's a space between them.' And that's coming from a Greek guy.
Demetri Martin
Whenever I see an autobiography for sale in the book store i just flip to the about the author section. I'm like, Done, next!
Demetri Martin
I wanna see a snake eat spaghetti.
Demetri Martin
I want to make a revolving door that says 'Pull' on it, just see how obedient people are.
Demetri Martin
The shortest distance between two idiots is a conga line.
Demetri Martin
The boomerang is Australia's chief export (and then import).
Demetri Martin
I wanna put stickers on turtles... I don't know why.
Demetri Martin
When I trip, I feel like that's the world saying come here for a second. It just pulls me closer for a second, yeah what do you want? I just want to remind you that you're uncoordinated. I'm aware of that, thank you... can I go now? Yeah, you can go, but never ever try to outrun me. Ok, world, see you later. Yeah, I'll see you in about 50 years.
Demetri Martin
My policy is 'No stone throwing regardless of housing situation.'
Demetri Martin
People and squirrels are very different. Most people will not argue that. But I find that there is one situation in which they're very similar. And that is: when I am driving towards them in my car. Then they're kind of hard to tell apart - especially if the human is kind of hairy.
Demetri Martin
If I make my window ten days for stand-up, the conclusion is that I failed and that I'm not good at stand-up. If I make it ten years - if I just wait - the conclusion might be something totally different. I think it's so cool to do things in which you discover the malleability of your own mind.
Demetri Martin
Don't forget to turn your clocks back today if you don't want your clocks to be set to the right time.
Demetri Martin
When you have a fat friend there are no see-saws, only catapults.
Demetri Martin
