Share
×
Inspirational Quotes
Authors
Professions
Topics
Tags
Quote
At any minute, I am four minutes from a poncho.
Demetri Martin
Share
Change background
T
T
T
Change font
Original
TAGS & TOPICS
Demetri Martin
Age: 51
Born: 1973
Born: May 25
Comedian
Film Actor
Film Director
Film Score Composer
Screenwriter
Television Actor
Voice Actor
New York City
New York
Demetri Evan Martin
Four
Minute
Minutes
More quotes by Demetri Martin
I've often liked a girl, made her laugh, and thought she liked me, and then found out that she didn't like me that way. I've definitely done time in the friend zone.
Demetri Martin
It would be interesting if Elvis were reincarnated as an Elvis impersonator.
Demetri Martin
Statistics indicate that the average American is a guy named Brian who lives in Ohio.
Demetri Martin
It seems that man's greatest natural enemy is the target.
Demetri Martin
There's a store in my neighborhood called Futon World. I like that name, 'Futon World.' Makes me think of a magical place that gets less and less comfortable over time.
Demetri Martin
I wasn't the class clown, but I was starting to become the crazy guy at law school, which is the guy who is not so much crazy as annoying.
Demetri Martin
The sofa is the enemy of productivity.
Demetri Martin
When I first heard the term 'training bra,' I was freaked out. I was pretty young and I said, 'Did you just say training bra? They're training their chests? I had no idea.' See some lady, her boobs are everywhere. 'What's her deal?' Those are untrained titties.
Demetri Martin
I went into a clothing store, and the lady asked me what size I was. I said, 'Actual'. I'm not to scale.
Demetri Martin
Popcorn is one of the only situations in which you eat the result of an explosion.
Demetri Martin
I have an erratic drummer for anybody who's just listening to this, he can keep time, but just in spurts.
Demetri Martin
The chances of someone who looks like Jesus having pot raises steadily, to a point. If the guy is on a cross you may have the wrong guy.
Demetri Martin
I think, at first blush, the '60s always enticed me. There's something about the '60s, it's not hard to like it.
Demetri Martin
Whenever I investigate a smell, I find that the answer is always bad. It's never: 'What is that? *sniff* muffins!'
Demetri Martin
Another thing that I like and that's fun for me is to try and talk and play music at the same time, because I feel like I'm learning something. There are these little challenges built into it it's a way to push myself a little bit more as a performer.
Demetri Martin
Stand up is really fun because if I think of a joke or a funny idea, then I can just go and tell some people and if they laugh, they laugh right away.
Demetri Martin
The problem with my balloon collection is that people always think there's a party. Settle down. It's not a party. It's just balloons.
Demetri Martin
I never went bungee jumping. The closest I did was I was born.
Demetri Martin
Sometimes I use my jokes as building blocks for larger bits. I like to draw and play music, so sometimes I do those things along with the jokes.
Demetri Martin
One thing you never hear is Man that guy is good at badminton.
Demetri Martin