Quote

At any minute, I am four minutes from a poncho.

Demetri Martin

Change background

T
T
T

Change font

TAGS & TOPICS

Demetri Martin
Age: 51
Born: 1973
Born: May 25
Comedian
Film Actor
Film Director
Film Score Composer
Screenwriter
Television Actor
Voice Actor
New York City
New York
Demetri Evan Martin
Minute
Minutes
Four

More quotes by Demetri Martin

Image
The easiest time to add insult to injury is when you're signing somebody's cast.
Demetri Martin
Image
And as far as actors go, Peter Sellers is my all-time favorite.
Demetri Martin
Image
I don't think I ever wrote a song. I can write a lot of jokes, but when I try to write lyrics they're the most direct, non-figurative words, like, 'I like you, I like you,'... and that's it, for the whole song. People would go, 'Ooh, this guy's Dylan or something.' It gives me a lot more respect for songwriters, actually.
Demetri Martin
Image
I wrapped my Christmas presents early this year, but I used the wrong paper. See, the paper I used said 'Happy Birthday' on it. I didn't want to waste it so I just wrote 'Jesus' on it.
Demetri Martin
Image
When I am given a multiple choice test I choose not to take it.
Demetri Martin
Image
I want to make a revolving door that says 'Pull' on it, just see how obedient people are.
Demetri Martin
Image
I was student council president in high school, and even in law school, I was vice-president of the student bar association.
Demetri Martin
Image
As soon as I jumped out of the airplane, I realized I had forgotten my parachute. Thank God we were still on the runway.
Demetri Martin
Image
I never set out to do a sketch show.
Demetri Martin
Image
Stand-up is like a row boat: it's fun and romantic when you're choosing to do it. But if you have no other choice than to be in a row boat it's not as enjoyable that's survival.
Demetri Martin
Image
Americans who do not celebrate Independence Day: pets.
Demetri Martin
Image
Whenever I see an autobiography for sale in the book store i just flip to the about the author section. I'm like, Done, next!
Demetri Martin
Image
Yes, okay, it's cool to be quirky, maybe, on the side. Do some puzzles, make puzzles, whatever, learn how to ride a unicycle. That's cool when it's on the side and you have a plan. What happens when you remove the plan? What you're left with is a guy who likes to do anagrams. And doesn't have a job... Sweet, that's a catch.
Demetri Martin
Image
I have fun acting, and I want to do more of it, and I want to direct my own movie.
Demetri Martin
Image
I want to launch a globe into space just to mess with the astronauts.
Demetri Martin
Image
It is interesting that the black BMW is the preferred car of so many assholes.
Demetri Martin
Image
A human head looks the least scary when it is attached.
Demetri Martin
Image
I don't know if I'll ever be a master at anything, but I think that's a mistake for me personally. I don't know how much it's about the journey, but it's more about the process.
Demetri Martin
Image
I used to play sports. Then I realized you can buy trophies. Now I am good at everything.
Demetri Martin
Image
When people show me pictures of their kids, it's okay. But when I give them a picture of me, to show to their kids, I'm weird. What kind of one way street is that?
Demetri Martin