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I am a ceiling fan, especially during rain.

Demetri Martin

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Demetri Martin
Age: 51
Born: 1973
Born: May 25
Comedian
Film Actor
Film Director
Film Score Composer
Screenwriter
Television Actor
Voice Actor
New York City
New York
Demetri Evan Martin
Ceilings
Rain
Especially
Fans
Ceiling

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I wasn't the class clown, but I was starting to become the crazy guy at law school, which is the guy who is not so much crazy as annoying.
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The problem with my balloon collection is that people always think there's a party. Settle down. It's not a party. It's just balloons.
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I like birthdays because we celebrate life with cakes. It's so cool. Sometimes when I see a baby, I'm like that much more cake in the world. But then when someone dies, I'm like the cake streak is over.
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One time I saw an old man in a hurry and I thought, 'That makes sense.'
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I wasn't even a big comedy nerd. A lot of the comedians I know - a lot of my friends are comedians - they knew a lot about comedy growing up.
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Artistically, I find jokes really satisfying aesthetically, because there's something great about getting an idea down to a sentence or two.
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When I am given a multiple choice test I choose not to take it.
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I was seeing this girl and she wanted to get more serious. But I wasn't ready to, I had just gotten out of a difficult relationship before that. So I said to her, 'Listen, you have to understand something. Relationships are like eyebrows. It's better when there's a space between them.' And that's coming from a Greek guy.
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I don't like thank you cards because I don't know what else to say. What do I put on the inside? See Front.
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They say it's lonely at the top. It must be even lonelier at the tippy top.
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One of the most difficult and ironic murder weapons is the life jacket.
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If you want to dry hump someone you don't know, just act like they were choking.
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What I've learned about my self over the years is that I'm pretty restless. If I multitask it's probably because I have difficulty just focusing on one thing.
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There are very few songs about just liking someone as a friend.
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Canoe plus waterfall equals I don't go camping anymore.
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I go the gym and I try to run on the treadmill and I listen to music but it doesn't motivate me enough. So I'm going to get a recording of a pack of wolves gaining on me. People would be like, 'Why is that guy crying on that treadmill over there?' 'I don't know, but he's been yelling, 'help' for like 20 minutes. He's getting a good workout.
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I'm not a lawmaker, but I was thinking that if you have a really loud ring tone, maybe you should be stabbed in the ear?
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Swimming is a confusing sport, because sometimes you do it for fun, and other times you do it to not die. And when I'm swimming, sometimes I'm not sure which one it is.
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I wanna design a video game where you'd have to take care of all the people shot in all the other video games.
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My friend has hand soap that smells like coconut. It's nice. Unless your hands are dirty from coconuts.
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