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I am a ceiling fan, especially during rain.

Demetri Martin

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Demetri Martin
Age: 51
Born: 1973
Born: May 25
Comedian
Film Actor
Film Director
Film Score Composer
Screenwriter
Television Actor
Voice Actor
New York City
New York
Demetri Evan Martin
Ceiling
Ceilings
Rain
Especially
Fans

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My plumbing is all screwed up. Because it turns out, I do not own a garbage disposal.
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I went into a clothing store, and the lady asked me what size I was. I said, 'Actual'. I'm not to scale.
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Specifically in stand-up, I love jokes. I love short, structured ideas and a punchline.
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A refrigerator is the opposite of a drug addict, because a refrigerator starts in a box and then moves to a house.
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Popcorn is one of the only situations in which you eat the result of an explosion.
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The boomerang is Australia's chief export (and then import).
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I didn't do improv in college, I never performed, I didn't do theater either. I was in student government, I was a history major.
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99.99% of all castles in America are located in fish tanks.
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Small businesses are important, but so are tiny businesses.
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My family was fine, it's just a different way of going about life. Creativity was not something that was isolated and identified and valued.
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Halloween: the day each year when strangers give you even more specific reasons to dislike them based on what they are wearing.
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To some I am known as Chief. And these are usually people who work in Radio Shack or try to sell me shoes. To others I am known as Buddy. These are people who dwell in bars and wonder if I’ve got a problem or what it is that I am “looking at.” And to still others, who are in that same bar, standing just off to the side, I am “Get Him!
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I wanna see a snake eat spaghetti.
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When I look up at the clouds I see so many animals, mostly sheep who have lost their limbs and heads.
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One thing you never hear is Man that guy is good at badminton.
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You can say 'Thanks,' and you can say 'Thanks a Million' - but any number in between?
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Whenever I see an autobiography for sale in the book store i just flip to the about the author section. I'm like, Done, next!
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I have fun acting, and I want to do more of it, and I want to direct my own movie.
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I live in New York and there are a lot of famous... pizzerias in my neighborhood, it's really hard to find one that isn't famous. Which sucks sometimes, you know what I mean, sometimes I don't want all that glitz and glamour, I just want something delicious, you know? I don't need a celebrity in my mouth, Ray's Up And Coming Pizza would be fine.
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When I trip, I feel like that's the world saying come here for a second. It just pulls me closer for a second, yeah what do you want? I just want to remind you that you're uncoordinated. I'm aware of that, thank you... can I go now? Yeah, you can go, but never ever try to outrun me. Ok, world, see you later. Yeah, I'll see you in about 50 years.
Demetri Martin