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I am a ceiling fan, especially during rain.

Demetri Martin

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Demetri Martin
Age: 51
Born: 1973
Born: May 25
Comedian
Film Actor
Film Director
Film Score Composer
Screenwriter
Television Actor
Voice Actor
New York City
New York
Demetri Evan Martin
Ceiling
Ceilings
Rain
Especially
Fans

More quotes by Demetri Martin

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I wonder if, as a society, we will ever be able to call someone a jive tofurkey.
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To remove blood stains from your conscience try frozen margaritas.
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I was a good student when I was a kid, and I did everything I was supposed to do, and I got A's.
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There's an old Russian saying that goes some way or another. I don't know it. I don't speak Russian. But sometimes I think about it and wonder if it's relevant to what I'm going through at the time. Probably not. I mean what do Russian know about hunger, anyway?
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For me and most of my friends who are comedians, if you've been doing comedy for a while, your tolerance for things actually moves. I find it very hard to be shocked, and when other people aggressively take offense to something, I'm sometimes confused.
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I believe in empathy. When religion provides that for people, it's the best thing in the world.
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I need to develop some patience - immediately.
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Whenever I investigate a smell, I find that the answer is always bad. It's never: 'What is that? *sniff* muffins!'
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Don't forget to turn your clocks back today if you don't want your clocks to be set to the right time.
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If only loud people were even half as interesting as they think they are.
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When you have a fat friend there are no see-saws, only catapults.
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Once I started to look i finally began to see.
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How to be a bouncer: be an asshole stand near a door.
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The clothes make the man. The children working in sweatshops make the clothes. Therefore, the children working in sweatshops make the man.
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When I was a kid, I always wanted to live in California because I liked skateboarding.
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People only mention it's a free country if they're doing something shitty.
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I never set out to do a sketch show.
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I used to get bummed out when it rained then I realized that it's God's way of washing off hippies.
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I think a lot of people who watch TV don't realize when they're watch TV shows and it says 'produced by' and producer, producer... there are all these producers. What the hell does a producer do? It's funny how much you have to worry about as a producer.
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I used to play sports. Then I realized you can buy trophies. Now I am good at everything.
Demetri Martin