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I am a ceiling fan, especially during rain.

Demetri Martin

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Demetri Martin
Age: 51
Born: 1973
Born: May 25
Comedian
Film Actor
Film Director
Film Score Composer
Screenwriter
Television Actor
Voice Actor
New York City
New York
Demetri Evan Martin
Rain
Especially
Fans
Ceiling
Ceilings

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I like playing frisbee. It is the only sport where you can throw something at a person and it's okay.
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Specifically in stand-up, I love jokes. I love short, structured ideas and a punchline.
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I can move objects with my mind, if I use my hands.
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I walk around and think about things. When I come across a thought that makes me laugh, I write it down. Then, at night, I say the thought to people through a microphone. I don't think about politics or pop culture very much, so those thoughts don't often make it to the microphone.
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REGARDING THE MARCHING BAND: How much more interesting it would be to see a creeping band.
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This is a pie chart about procrastination.
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Overheard today in restaurant: Can you stop listening to our conversation?
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The lord works in mysterious ways. Indeed. And a shorter way to say that is: God is a sneak.
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I wasn't the class clown, but I was starting to become the crazy guy at law school, which is the guy who is not so much crazy as annoying.
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I think, at first blush, the '60s always enticed me. There's something about the '60s, it's not hard to like it.
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Sometimes I feel like I'm being watched, but then I remember that my show was canceled three years ago.
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How to be a bouncer: be an asshole stand near a door.
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I've never read an article of clothing.
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I was student council president in high school, and even in law school, I was vice-president of the student bar association.
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I do come across people who don't like me, don't like my comedy, don't think it's funny, it's too cutesy, or whatever they hate. And it's like, Okay. That's your opinion. Somebody liked it, so that's good. Hopefully it balances out.
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Employee of the month is a good example of how somebody can be both a winner and a loser at the same time.
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I think if I pick the right thing to spend my time doing, then time moves differently, because I really can get fully immersed in things and feel very alive and challenged, but in a good way. I feel a sense of progress.
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In retrospect, everything is finite, but prospectively, there are infinite possibilities. I guess that's what makes life hopeful.
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When someone asks you the question 'Are you ticklish' it doesn't matter if you say yes or no, cause they're going to touch you. If someone asks if you're ticklish and you don't want to be touched you should something like 'I have diarrhea, now don't touch me cause you'll make it come out... and yes I'm very ticklish'.
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Canoe plus waterfall equals I don't go camping anymore.
Demetri Martin