Quote

A Wednesday with no rain is a dry hump day.

Demetri Martin

Change background

T
T
T

Change font

TAGS & TOPICS

Demetri Martin
Age: 51
Born: 1973
Born: May 25
Comedian
Film Actor
Film Director
Film Score Composer
Screenwriter
Television Actor
Voice Actor
New York City
New York
Demetri Evan Martin
Rain
Hump
Wednesday
Dry

More quotes by Demetri Martin

Image
A jerk on a motorcycle is equal to a leaf, because I find it beautiful when these things fall.
Demetri Martin
Image
One of my favorite clothing patterns is camouflage. Because when you're in the woods it makes you blend in. But when you're not it does just the opposite. It's like, 'Hey, there's an asshole.'
Demetri Martin
Image
Turtles are greater than baby nephews, because it's ok to drop a turtle.
Demetri Martin
Image
There's an old Russian saying that goes some way or another. I don't know it. I don't speak Russian. But sometimes I think about it and wonder if it's relevant to what I'm going through at the time. Probably not. I mean what do Russian know about hunger, anyway?
Demetri Martin
Image
Sometimes it looks like I'm dancing, but it's just that I walked into a spider web.
Demetri Martin
Image
It's always helpful to remember that in the grand scheme of things you are much more important than... um, wait, than... something, maybe.
Demetri Martin
Image
Timing is everything. That's a cliche. Now. If I'd said that a long time ago, I'd have been original.
Demetri Martin
Image
If I ever saw an amputee getting hanged, I'd probably just start calling out letters.
Demetri Martin
Image
One thing you never hear is Man that guy is good at badminton.
Demetri Martin
Image
People and squirrels are very different. Most people will not argue that. But I find that there is one situation in which they're very similar. And that is: when I am driving towards them in my car. Then they're kind of hard to tell apart - especially if the human is kind of hairy.
Demetri Martin
Image
Sometimes I use my jokes as building blocks for larger bits. I like to draw and play music, so sometimes I do those things along with the jokes.
Demetri Martin
Image
If I could control the behavior of fat guys I would make them ride mopeds more often.
Demetri Martin
Image
Swimming is a confusing sport, because sometimes you do it for fun, and other times you do it to not die. And when I'm swimming, sometimes I'm not sure which one it is.
Demetri Martin
Image
I've never read an article of clothing.
Demetri Martin
Image
A cool tattoo design is any drawing that would also look good saggy.
Demetri Martin
Image
When I look up at the clouds I see so many animals, mostly sheep who have lost their limbs and heads.
Demetri Martin
Image
I would like to have windshield wipers that do the whole windshield, please.
Demetri Martin
Image
A know-it-all is a person who knows everything except for how annoying he is.
Demetri Martin
Image
Coffee is like a bra. 3 cups is one too many.
Demetri Martin
Image
I like birthdays because we celebrate life with cakes. It's so cool. Sometimes when I see a baby, I'm like that much more cake in the world. But then when someone dies, I'm like the cake streak is over.
Demetri Martin