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A Wednesday with no rain is a dry hump day.
Demetri Martin
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Demetri Martin
Age: 51
Born: 1973
Born: May 25
Comedian
Film Actor
Film Director
Film Score Composer
Screenwriter
Television Actor
Voice Actor
New York City
New York
Demetri Evan Martin
Wednesday
Dry
Rain
Hump
More quotes by Demetri Martin
Statistics indicate that the average American is a guy named Brian who lives in Ohio.
Demetri Martin
My mind says one thing, but my body says another. Thanks a lot, Indian food and beer.
Demetri Martin
I walk around and think about things. When I come across a thought that makes me laugh, I write it down. Then, at night, I say the thought to people through a microphone. I don't think about politics or pop culture very much, so those thoughts don't often make it to the microphone.
Demetri Martin
Whenever I throw caution to the wind I make sure I'm facing the right way so that it doesn't blow back and hit me in my face.
Demetri Martin
I'm very hip-oriented. I focus on hips in my comedy - probably more than any other hipster comic who is out there hipping today. My hips, other hips. I work with my hips a great deal. That is what I do. But not in a gay way.
Demetri Martin
I can always tell how stupid someone is by how certain they are about what they're saying.
Demetri Martin
Now I got a time machine at home. It only goes foreword at regular speed. It's essentially a cardboard box and on the outside I wrote time machine in sharpie.
Demetri Martin
99.99% of all castles in America are located in fish tanks.
Demetri Martin
The clothes make the man. The children working in sweatshops make the clothes. Therefore, the children working in sweatshops make the man.
Demetri Martin
I like playing frisbee. It is the only sport where you can throw something at a person and it's okay.
Demetri Martin
I don't like thank you cards because I don't know what else to say. What do I put on the inside? See Front.
Demetri Martin
I never set out to do a sketch show.
Demetri Martin
A good name for a gang would be The Uneducated Idiot Tough Guys.
Demetri Martin
People and squirrels are very different. Most people will not argue that. But I find that there is one situation in which they're very similar. And that is: when I am driving towards them in my car. Then they're kind of hard to tell apart - especially if the human is kind of hairy.
Demetri Martin
I got into stand up just to do stand up because I love stand up.
Demetri Martin
Another thing that I like and that's fun for me is to try and talk and play music at the same time, because I feel like I'm learning something. There are these little challenges built into it it's a way to push myself a little bit more as a performer.
Demetri Martin
I just started doing this one-man show, and I wanted to be able to score it, so I bought a guitar, and got a keyboard and got a harmonica. I remember when I started that I didn't understand why a harmonica had different letters on them.
Demetri Martin
There's an old Russian saying that goes some way or another. I don't know it. I don't speak Russian. But sometimes I think about it and wonder if it's relevant to what I'm going through at the time. Probably not. I mean what do Russian know about hunger, anyway?
Demetri Martin
It is a little ironic that one thing a babysitter should not do is sit on a baby.
Demetri Martin
I think my favorite sound is the sound of someone not playing the bongos.
Demetri Martin
