Quote

I wonder if there were any goths in gothic times. They're like: You look completely appropriate. You don't look stupid or lonely at all.

Demetri Martin

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Demetri Martin
Age: 51
Born: 1973
Born: May 25
Comedian
Film Actor
Film Director
Film Score Composer
Screenwriter
Television Actor
Voice Actor
New York City
New York
Demetri Evan Martin
Times
Goths
Look
Goth
Looks
Gothic
Like
Appropriate
Lonely
Completely
Stupid
Wonder

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Never be less interesting than your refrigerator magnets.
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When I trip, I feel like that's the world saying come here for a second. It just pulls me closer for a second, yeah what do you want? I just want to remind you that you're uncoordinated. I'm aware of that, thank you... can I go now? Yeah, you can go, but never ever try to outrun me. Ok, world, see you later. Yeah, I'll see you in about 50 years.
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If I make my window ten days for stand-up, the conclusion is that I failed and that I'm not good at stand-up. If I make it ten years - if I just wait - the conclusion might be something totally different. I think it's so cool to do things in which you discover the malleability of your own mind.
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When someone describes themself as a taxpayer, they're about to be an asshole.
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I learned this summer that peeing in the pool and peeing INTO the pool are very different things. Location, Location, Location.
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At any minute, I am four minutes from a poncho.
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It feels like every day or two, people on Twitter and the Internet are outraged about something.
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When you're wearing an animal costume and something bad happens, your facial expression doesn't change. The animal is deadpan the whole time. If you're skiing in a gorilla suit and you fall, you just see a gorilla who has no emotion. It's just a stoic gorilla, wildly falling down a hill, out of control.
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I like birthdays because we celebrate life with cakes. It's so cool. Sometimes when I see a baby, I'm like that much more cake in the world. But then when someone dies, I'm like the cake streak is over.
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I like to stand near ATM machines, and when somebody types in their pin number, I go, 'Got it!' And then I run away.
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Easy way to make someone sound less powerful, just put DJ in front of their name... ..DJ Abraham Lincoln
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I think hair gel was invented to make it easier to identify assholes from a distance.
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The sofa is the enemy of productivity.
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Whenever I'm on my computer, I don't type 'lol'. I type 'lqtm' - laugh quietly to myself. It's more honest.
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Halloween: the day each year when strangers give you even more specific reasons to dislike them based on what they are wearing.
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My friend has hand soap that smells like coconut. It's nice. Unless your hands are dirty from coconuts.
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A Wednesday with no rain is a dry hump day.
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Never forget where you came from. That's what I think when I walk into a cave.
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Dogs seem more photogenic than cats. In photos most cats look like sociopaths.
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