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I wonder if there were any goths in gothic times. They're like: You look completely appropriate. You don't look stupid or lonely at all.
Demetri Martin
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Demetri Martin
Age: 51
Born: 1973
Born: May 25
Comedian
Film Actor
Film Director
Film Score Composer
Screenwriter
Television Actor
Voice Actor
New York City
New York
Demetri Evan Martin
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Goth
Looks
Gothic
Like
Appropriate
Lonely
Completely
Stupid
Wonder
Times
Goths
More quotes by Demetri Martin
The easiest time to add insult to injury is when you're signing somebody's cast.
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I used to get bummed out when it rained then I realized that it's God's way of washing off hippies.
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I find that a shirt is most similar to a napkin when I don't have a napkin.
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A Wednesday with no rain is a dry hump day.
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I like shorter jokes. I like fewer words. I think the more ideas there are the, the fewer words there should be.
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The earth without art is just eh.
Demetri Martin
We do not allow dwarf tossing. If you toss a dwarf, the dwarf will be tossed right back at you, but faster.
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The bird, the bee, the running child are all the same to the sliding glass door.
Demetri Martin
What's this about rice milk? I didn't even know rice had nipples!
Demetri Martin
A know-it-all is a person who knows everything except for how annoying he is.
Demetri Martin
I thought I would, you know, go to college, get to law school, finish, and then get a job and work as a lawyer, but that proved to be not a good fit for me.
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I don't think I ever wrote a song. I can write a lot of jokes, but when I try to write lyrics they're the most direct, non-figurative words, like, 'I like you, I like you,'... and that's it, for the whole song. People would go, 'Ooh, this guy's Dylan or something.' It gives me a lot more respect for songwriters, actually.
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People only mention it's a free country if they're doing something shitty.
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Small businesses are important, but so are tiny businesses.
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How to be a bouncer: be an asshole stand near a door.
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I got myself a really nice nib pen, with like 15 kinds of India Ink, and tons of different nibs I think I was just procrastinating, like, once I have the right nib, the book is just going to jump right out of my fingertips... but then it just ended up looking like the shitty drawings that I usually do.
Demetri Martin
If I ever saw an amputee getting hanged, I'd probably just start calling out letters.
Demetri Martin
When there's someone who's dead and then someone does something that that person would not have liked, they say that that person is spinning in their grave. But I don't understand why they say that. Why is spinning the way that a corpse shows disapproval?
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Usually, I walk around and think about things. When I come across a thought that makes me laugh, I write it down.
Demetri Martin
I have fun acting, and I want to do more of it, and I want to direct my own movie.
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